What would we do without Reno?
by QueenAlla
Summary: What will Reno get up to next? Final chapter up. T for minor swearing and alcohol.
1. TV These Days

**Chapter 1 T.V These Days...**

I rewrote this chapter, 'cause my first attempt didn't seem good enough...Anyways, I fixed up some grammar, added a few sentences, changed a few words around, and made Reno sound more...'Renoish', and got this as a result. Not much difference, but hopefully it makes the story a little more interesting.

Anyways, let's get this outta the way...I don't own Final Fantasy or anythin' to do with it. And I definitely don't own Lifestream.

Now that's over, enjoy! XD

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It was impossible for Elena to concentrate on chopping onions (which, by the way, were making her cry a great deal) whilst Reno constantly declared each television show as 'boring', as loud as humanely possible.

"Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Ah...I could do this all day!" He was resting his head on his left arm now, and he looked liable to fall asleep at any moment. Something Elena wished she was doing right now.

She gave a deep sigh. Was he doing this to get on her nerves?

_Duh._ Her conscience answered.

"Shut up, conscience." Elena retorted.

"Eh?" Reno mumbled.

"I said, what do you want for dinner?" Elena attempted at a cover up, but failed, blushing like mad.

_Why is it so hard for you to keep your mouth shut, 'Laney'? _Her conscience sighed.

_Temperamental much?_ Elena retorted, in thoughts this time.

"Sure that's what ya said." She could hear Reno's boyish sneer, which never failed to irritate her. "Just admit it, you can't stop starin'."

Just when Elena thought Reno couldn't get any worse, he fixed his gaze on the pizza box left over from two nights ago. Naturally, it was accompanied by his genuine 'Reno' grin.

Elena's stunned gaze went from Reno to the mangled leftovers, positive now that he had completely lost it. Those beers must have finally begun to take effect.

_Ah, yes. Of course. How could I forget? He's an obsessive nut when it comes to junk food. _Elena smirked, threw him the half empty pizza box- which happened to almost hit him on the head, and mouthed, "Enjoy."

Reno winked at her. "Will do, love."

As he had expected, the pepper shaker was headed for his face. Dodging it, he chuckled. "Oh, 'Laney. When _will_ you learn?"

Elena gave him a death stare that would have melted ice. "The salt's next."

She went back to chopping onions, occasionally sliding a glance towards the kitchen window. Her cat, Chocoball, had been missing for 3 days now. She couldn't understand why she had left. She had always been so loyal, in the whole 3 months of owning her. Elena had found her on the side of the road being beaten by a dark stranger, whom she had hit him on the back of the head harder than needed to be knocked unconscious. She never really did fancy animal torturers.

The first thing the cat had done was cough up a ball (No not a fur ball) of yellow chocobo feathers. Elena didn't want to know how that had happened, but she thought the incident would make a cute name.

Whilst Elena prepared her dinner, Reno continued his channel surfing-and eating his cold, half mauled pepperoni pizza slices.

"Oh no, don't worry about reheating it, 'Laney, it's fine like this. In fact, cold pizza has always been my favourite." Reno said sarcastically.

"Oh okay, fine by me. But don't be afraid to get your butt off my sofa and walk two metres to the microwave." Elena retorted. "I won't kill you for it or anything."

"Shut up." Reno yelled, somehow already deeply engrossed in searching for a decent channel. "I'm busy right now. Get lost."

Elena's eyes widened in anger. "Excuse me? Perhaps _you_ should be the one 'getting lost'. Last time I checked, this was _my_ house."

Reno sighed, ignoring her. "Since when did T.V get so lame? I swear, the whole industry has gone nuts!"

Elena clicked her tongue, wiping away an onion tear. "I don't recall you watching T.V much in the past year or so..."

"Exactly!" Reno sighed, exasperated, "_That's because _two years ago, the only three decent channels on air made the dumbass decision that they'd rather entertain my granny more than they'd rather entertain me."

Elena stared at him blankly, although, facing the T.V, Reno didn't notice. "Well, you seem to have the answers to your own questions, Reno. So I guess you can stop bothering me now."

Ignoring her once again, Reno shook his head in disgrace, and along with it, his long red ponytail.

_I love it when he does that... _Elena thought, and instantly gave herself a mental slap. _No you don't!!!_

"Would you look at this, 'Lena?" Reno continued.

He switched to Channel S, where an old lady in her late 80's was sitting in a rocking chair next to a warm, cozy fireplace, knitting. Ever so slowly, she was explaining the 'Three Steps to a Perfect Stitch', as she rocked in her wooden chair...

"Nngh...This is enough to make me commit suicide. And to think this used to be 'Fit Throwers'! Man, that was the best educational show ever made!" Reno complained, shaking his head once again.

"_Educational_?" Elena sneered. "I'm surprised that's even in your vocabulary. You've been doing your homework, haven't you?"

The fact that Reno continuously ignored her was irritating Elena. Especially considering the fact that he was a guest in her own apartment.

_Did that guy ever get taught manners?_ Elena wondered.

"It was s'posed to teach you how to deal with lil kids. Of course, I just watched it for the pleasure of seeing a whinging boy stomp around saying stuff like "I DON'T WANT TO!" or "I WANT THAT-NOW!" or the classic "I'M NOT MOVING UNTIL I GET THAT SEPHIROTH TOY!!!!!!!!".

'Course, I have my own way of 'dealing' with lil' kids." He chuckled and lightly pet his EMR.

"Hmph. That 'kid' you speak of sounds strangely like you, Reno." Elena added, feeling a burning desire to ignore his last comment.

"Probably one of my many sons." Elena choked at that.

"You-"

Reno sniggered. "I'm only kiddin' 'Laney. I'm not sure how many sons I've got."

Elena moaned. _That sounds like Reno. Live by the moment, no matter what the consequences..._

Reno frowned, remembering his duty. "Oh yeah! And Channel B's epic 'Bombs 'R' Us' turned into the reality show 'Women on the Plus'. Which, by the way, doesn't even rhyme! Actually, it isn't _so_ bad. I mean, sure there's all the girly whining and blubbering-get it-on about their miserable lives..." He paused to consider the facts. "Actually, I guess that stuff's pretty funny!" He gave a cheeky giggle, even as Elena whacked him on the side of the head with the tongs.

"How'd ya get here so fast?" Reno asked, rubbing his throbbing head.

"I've been standing here for the past minute." Elena replied blankly. "And Reno? Don't be such an _ass_."

Reno made a noise almost identical to a donkey.

"Well, I guess you can't help it..." Elena muttered and walked back into the kitchen.

Reno's face turned dead serious again. "But the most unacceptable change is this." He switched to Channel X (the private channel for Midgar University students only.)

There were four camera angles, each with a different, but intruiguingly familiar scene.

Elena looked up and squinted. "Is that-?"

"Rufus' office? Yep." Reno answered, clicking his tongue. "They went from the epic, 'Hojo's Lab', to 'Shinra Inc', all for the 'benefit' of MU's students. I swear, I'm going to hunt down this T.V industry and burn their building down to the depths of hell."

"Uh, how did you manage to unlock that channel?" Elena asked.

Reno turned to face her. "'Lena, I'm a _Turk_. I have my ways."

Ignoring his comment, Elena smiled happily. "Hmm...Looks like there's nothing to watch on television! Guess that means it's home time for you..." Elena said between mouthfuls of her dinner-spaghetti, or at least, that's what it looked like. "And by home time, I _mean_, _home_ time."

Reno nearly choked on a slice of pepperoni when he noticed the time. 10:15pm.

"What the heck have I been wasting my time doing!?" He exclaimed. "I should be at Seventh Heaven, drinking my 14th beer, surrounded by cute girls...And Tifa."

Reno grinned charmingly, before scowling in unfortunate realisation. "But no! I'm sitting here sober on a sofa, eating raw pizza and wasting away with some chick buggin' me..."

Elena rolled her eyes. "You make it sound like torture."

"Yeah, that's the word I was lookin' for! Thanks 'Laney, you gorgeous little..."

All of a sudden, a black and white advertisement appeared on screen, with dramatic music playing in the background.

"Don't they realise how stupidly cliche that looks-and sounds? They make even cliche sound cliche!" Reno snapped, mostly to himself.

Elena sniggered. "Don't _you_ realise that _your_ not making _any_ sense?"

Reno grunted in reply. Once he began to pay any large amount of attention to something, there was little anyone could do to change his focus.

And with that, the 'movie' began.

A middle aged man lay half dead at an operating table.

Janet-Oh doctor, he's not gonna make it.

Lawrence-No, Janet, he's not.

Janet-Oh, doctor, hold me!

Lawrence holds Janet tightly and kisses her passionately.

Lawrence-Oh, Janet, I've always loved you.

Janet-No, I-

Trumpets sound as the door bursts open and falls to the ground, revealing a tall superman-looking guy wearing a baggy green and blue costume, his cape caught in a nail on the door.

Lifestream Man-Never fear! LIFESTREAM MAN is here!!!

Lifestream Man turns his head towards the door frame and mumbles "It _is_ Lifestream Man, right?"

Janet breaks out of Lawrence's grasp and leaps towards Lifestream Man.

Lawrence-But, Janet!

Before Janet reaches him, Lifestream Man dashes towards the half dead man, and force feeds him a can of Lifestream.

The man bolts upright and screams something incomprehensible, before jumping out the nearby window of the 54th floor.

The bold letters on the screen read "Lifestream Energy Drink! It sure as hell puts the life back in ya!" and ended with a mad yell.

By the time the ad had finished, Reno's pizza remnants had fallen onto Elena's perfectly clean sofa, and Elena was so mesmerized in distaste that she hadn't even realised.

"You'd think Cid directed this thing." Elena mumbled. "Such crap..."

"What. The. Hell." Reno said dryly.

Elena snorted. "Well at least you aren't that dumb as to be brainwashed by the-uh...Reno? Where are you going?"

Reno was headed for the door. "I'll be back-That Lifestream has my name written all over it!" He winked.

Elena resisted the urge of hitting her head against the kitchen counter.

"Yep, he'll be back alright." She mumbled, the sarcasm rich within her voice. Sometimes Reno could be so gullible.

Shaking her head in disappointment, she began to pick up the pizza box Reno had rudely left on the couch. And as she did so, she noticed something she wished she hadn't. Pizza. On the sofa. And pizza stains weren't easy to wash out.

"RENO!!!!!!!"


	2. Reno's Driving 'Skills'

**Chapter**** 2 Reno's Driving Skills**

It only took Elena a few moments to remember her duty. Tseng had given her the task of watching Reno tonight-Friday night. Or in other words, Reno's drinking night. He had a 'secret mission' tomorrow and _could not_ be drunk for it.

"Ahh..." Reno sighed, relieved.

Free at last...The chill of the night surrounding him......The slamming of the passenger door...

"Hey, that isn't right!" Reno mumbled, turning his head to face Elena.

Elena winked in return. "You've got yourself a passenger. Now don' t kill her."

Reno's stunned stare transformed into an easygoing, carefree grin within a split second. "I can't promise anything there 'Laney."

Elena went pale-well, paler than she was before. She was never too confident about getting into a car with Reno the madman.

"Hope you don't get travel sick...This is Reno driving." The confidence in his voice frustrated Elena.

_Why can't I be more like him?_ Elena answered her own question. _Because I'm Elena, and I despise him. _

"Here we go!" Reno exclaimed, the screeching of the car's wheels drowning out his voice, and Elena's squealing.

At full speed, Reno somehow managed to do a burnout without smashing into any inanimate-or animate, if you count the cat-objects.

"Reno!" Elena screeched, punching him in the shoulder.

Reno looked at her, his aquamarine eyes filled with a lying innocence. "What was that for? Oh, you want to go faster?"

Her eyes widened in horror as he revved the car's engine to its limits. "RENO!!!!"

"_Faster_? I can do that!" Reno's grin was so wide it looked half the size of his face.

"You're an idiot, Reno, y'know that?!" Elena gasped for air after her fit of screaming. He just didn't know when to quit.

They were on the highway now, as Reno gazed at her.

"A hot one though, right?"

Elena went as red as the colour of Reno's hair.

"Could you look at the road, at least?" She snapped, not particularily wanting to answer his question.

"Hey, ya didn't answer my question 'Laney."

"What question?"

"Say yes or no-preferrably yes-and then I'll look back at the road."

"But-"

"'Lena! C'mon!" He gave her his best puppy dog eye impersonation. "Please?"

She only blushed harder, partly due to the fact that he looked so adorable wearing that face.

_Admit it, "Laney". Your attracted to him. Badly. _Her conscience was a nagging voice at the back of her mind.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Elena yelled fiercely.

Reno winced and turned to face the road. "Woah, okay, calm down! Take a joke!"

Elena partly regretted what she had yelled, but as soon as she heard Reno's signature chuckle, she held no regrets.

There was a silence. And silence with Reno nearby wasn't a good sign.

"Hey 'Laney?" He murmured, sounding rather sleepy.

"Mmm?" Her reply was barely audible, but for another reason.

"Tell me when to open my eyes, 'kay?"

"Reno!!!" She would have slapped him across the face, if he weren't driving. Not that it would have mattered with _his_ driving 'skills'.

He burst out in laughter at the frightened woman. "Man, it's so much more fun scaring you!"

Elena's heart was beating a mile a minute, but she managed to squeak, "_More_ fun?"

"Yeah, Keri was always a tough one to crack, and when she did, the most you'd get outta her was a-Never mind."

"K-Keri?" Elena found it hard to regain herself after Reno's stupid joke.

"My ex. I have a habit of teasing my girlfriends. Especially ones with big-Uh, heh."

Elena gave a smile that not even she noticed.

_So, does that mean he considers you his girlfriend, then? _Her conscious pondered.

_No. _She told it sternly, as if talking to a dog that just peed inside the house.

"I see." Elena said blankly.

Realising what Elena was assuming, Reno corrected himself. "Not that your my girlfriend or anything-although I'm right there if your interested-It's just that...You seem like the sorta girl to freak out."

He chuckled, awaiting a slap that didn't come.

"Um..."

"Oh and you _definately _don't have big-"

His slap came then, and he couldn't help but chuckle, knowing it would make her even more pissed.

"As I was saying..." Elena continued sternly, "Where are we going? We already passed the store."

"Seventh Heaven of course!" Reno laughed. "Where else?"

Her eyes widened, not for the first time that night. "Reno you lying piece of-"

"Alright, alright. You choose where we go for our date, then." He interrupted.

"_Date_!? Excuse me while I vomit!" Elena exclaimed. How could he say that!?

_You like the attention, admit it. _Her conscious mocked her.

"I swear, one more word and I'll..." Elena looked at Reno. "Heh. Um...I, uh...Will...Screw that."

_Stupid conscious confusing me... _She thought.

Reno grinned playfully. "Screw what? Me? Or that dog I just ran over?"

Elena scowled in return, and muttered, "Why me?"

"Hey, you got into the car with me. You had a choice."

"No, it wasn't my _choice_, it was my _job_. There's a difference." Elena retorted. "Tseng told me to-"

"Yeah yeah, I know what he said. I might be a pain in the you-know-what, but I'm not dumb.

"Now, tell me where you wanna go or we'll end going to the _movies_." Reno snickered at the mention of it.

"Movies?" Elena's face filled with sudden joy.

"Ugh." Reno groaned. "Women."

"Ugh." Elena repeated. "Guys with gravity-defying-chocobo hair."

"You mean Cloud?"

"You _and_ Cloud. Except your the evil red chocobo with a tail, and he's the sweet gentle chocobo with pretty eyes."

"Ngh...Please stop fawning over the btchy chocobo ashole who stole my Tifa from me..."

"_Your_ Tifa? I thought it was _Rude's_ Tifa." A smirk formed on her face. "Although he's cute, and he's got nice eyes, I've gotta admit, his hair _does_ look like a chocobo's behind, in nicer terms. But then...His eyes...Ahh..."

Elena's head was in the clouds. Cloud's clouds, in fact. Reno shuddered in disgust, and tried to change the subject to something more...appealing.

"Uh, whatever. So, what movie's it gonna be then, sweetheart?"

"Don't call me that. And...Umm...If you don't mind, I wanted to watch the sequel to Loveless. How does that sound?"

"SEQUEL!!!???" Reno exploded. "What idiodic sissy would create a sequel to the lamest movie ever created!? Cloud!?"

He thought about that for a moment, before agreeing with himself. "Yeah, that sounds about right. So what's the movie called?"

Elena sighed dreamily. "Loveless:The Clouds of Fate."

Reno snorted. "So Mr Stick-stuck-up-my-Chocobo-butt _did_ direct it. What a guess!"

Elena rolled her eyes. "Grow up."

"Been there, done that."

"Not funny Reno."

He gave her a hurt expression. "Why can't you take me seriously for once? I wasn't trying to be funny, it was the truth!"

"I know you are, but what am I?" Elena retorted.

"Huh? That wasn't funny! And it didn't even make sense!"

"Yes, and neither do you!"

"Elena?" Reno said as calmly as he possibly could. "Before you try and battle me with wits, go get some lessons in the art of humour first, 'kay?"

Elena shut up, and gazed out the window at the quickly moving scenery in silence. _Stupid Reno and his stupid overconfident ego._

_Oh, you like it. _Her conscience teased.

_Shut. Up. Conscience. _There was a pause.

_You know what? I'm getting really sick of calling you conscience. It's too long a name and it makes me feel like I'm nuts. _Elena replied.

_You are. _

Ignoring it, she thought, _What name do you like? Lily? Susan? _

She sensed her conscience laughing at the names she spat out. _Pathetic. _

_Are you a female or not? Hell, it's not like I'd know! _Elena retorted.

_You should. I'm you, after all. _

_Stuff you. Think of your own name. _

_Fine, I will._

_Fine!_

Their argument was interrupted by Reno's cheerful voice and pointless blabbering.

"I'll tell ya what'd be a good time-apart from drinking?"

No reply.

"Catfights! And not the catfights you're thinkin' of. Y'know the 'find a feral cat and stare into its eyes long enough for it to go mental and attack you and then attack it back'?"

"You said that so fast, all I heard was feral and attack. And just by hearing that, I don't think I want to hear any more, thanks." Elena replied.

"Y'mean you've never stared down a cat into a state of ferality and bashed it?" Reno asked.

"First of all, I said I didn't want to hear more. Secondly, I don't even think ferality is a word, and thirdly...

"YOU HORRIBLE CAT MURDERING MURDERER!!!!!!!!!!"

"Huh?" He managed to mumble before being beaten under the fist of Elena.

"I'm...dri...vin'...here..."

Or trying to. He was swerving from side to side, but Elena swamped with so much rage she didn't care-or notice.

"What...the...heck...is...th...is...for?"

"You bashed up Chocoball!" Elena yelled, furious.

"Who's that? Cloud's dad?"

"No, it's my cat. I..." She stopped and giggled as she remembered the night she owned Reno.

"What the heck's up with you? You've been actin' so weird lately..." False realisation dawned on Reno. "Did Tseng ask you out?"

"No! That would be nice though...Anyway, the night I found Chocoball on the side of the road, he was being bashed up by some tall, dark stranger-in other words, by you. And then...Then..." She burst into a fit of giggling, not able to continue.

"What the hell?" Reno stared at her.

"You-You're-I..."

"Do I have to press the eject button on you?" Reno asked, grinning now.

She bit her lip to control the giggles trying to escape her lips.

"I owned you Reno! I bashed you across the head and you fell to the ground unconscious! It was the funniest sight. Well, it is now, knowing it was you I bashed..."

Reno paused, trying to concieve her opinion that this was funny. He failed.

"I don't see how that was funny, sorry."

"Well it wasn't you doing the owning, see."

Reno looked at Elena, almost worried. "Do I need to call the therapist?"

"No, watching Loveless will knock me back into my senses." She assured him.

"Let's hope so. For your sake. Or else you'll end up lying next to me late morning with a bad hangover."

Elena grimaced. "It won't get that far. I'll be on the ground with a knife in my hand before _that_ happens."

Reno sneered and turned the car into the movie theatre parking lot. "Not if you can't help it."

"Here at last..." Elena mumbled, ignoring him.

"Huh?"

"I said, here's a park." She was lucky there was a car park a few metres away.

"Oh, thanks."

"Want fries with that?" Elena added.

Reno moaned and handed her a scrap of paper with numbers on it.

Elena glanced at him questioningly, although she was afraid she already knew the answer.

Reno winked in reply. "Humour classes. Oh, and yeah, I'll take the fries. I'm ravenous."


	3. Cinema Classic

**Chapter 3 Cinema Classic**

There was only two other couples in the ticket queue, which wasn't a surprise as they were 10 minutes late for the movie. Reno just _had_ to stop and get a hamburger to 'regain some strength', although Elena didn't see why he didn't just use a cure materia-he needed to cut down on eating after all-not in any issues of weight, but health. Junk food didn't do any good for Reno's wellbeing.

That was one of the major things Elena was jealous of. Reno could eat to his heart's contempt and stay as thin as a twig, yet Elena was lucky to eat two meals a day and still managed to weigh more than the redhead.

Once they arrived at the front of the line, Reno almost passed out before going into a fit of laughter.

The blonde haired man behind the counter glared daggers at him, Elena following suit.

"Reno, just this once, could you be just a _little_ serious?" Elena asked, impatient. She had always been a punctual person, and lateness was something that frustrated her.

"Have you even noticed who's serving us, or are you blinded by_ love_?" Reno managed to ask.

The truth was, Elena hadn't actually paid any attention to the ticket seller in front of them. And when she did, she couldn't help but join in Reno's laughing fit.

"G-Go on, C-Cloud." Reno sneered, before resuming his laughter. "S-Say your line!"

The ex-soldier sighed and scratched his head. "WhatcanIgetyou." He mumbled.

"What was that?" Reno gave him his famous grin.

Cloud looked up. "What...canIgetyou..."

"Oh, I see. So Cloudy _wants_ to get fired for not doing his...job?" Elena joined in, grinning playfully at the word job. "Pretty poor excuse for a career if you ask me."

Cloud's face was enough evidence to prove that he had lost his temper. In a cheerful voice, he asked,

"Fine. What the hell can I get you, dumbass Turks? That satisfying enough?"

As he spat the word Turks, Reno's face darkened.

"Well I was going to ask for a ticket, but seeing as you are insisting on other subjects, I guess I'll have to drop that." Reno advanced on Cloud, his aquamarine eyes sparkling with fury.

"Reno, leave it. Leave Cloud in his sanctuary while we enjoy Loveless. Alright?" Elena was trying to break up the tension going on between them, but she knew that it was now out of her hands. Once those two started bickering, it was going to get worse-and there was no stopping them either.

Reno had practically ignored her. His EMR was in his tight grasp, and his mouth was alight with swearing. You'd think he'd been just having a conversation with Cid about pricey tea leaves. Or how Vincent was secretly hiding in his wardrobe.

"Loveless, hey Reno? I didn't know you were into chick flicks." Cloud taunted.

"And I didn't know you got your chocobo ass kicked out onto the streets by Tifa and had to work here for a living! I bet you sleep in the boss' office-with the boss on top of ya!"

"That's enough." A young voice ordered. "Break it up, both of you!"

They all turned to face a teenage boy about the age of 16. He was trying to be calm and in control of the situation but by the wavering of his voice, you could tell he was nervous.

Reno raised an eyebrow. "You're a pervert too Cloud?"

Cloud cleared his throat, ignoring him. "Could you please get the boss, Ricky?"

The boy-Ricky, nodded. "Uh, s-sure. Cloud." He ran off.

Elena whistled, and Reno finished her sentence, his mind on her wavelength. "Looks like you scored last night Cloudy."

Cloud's eyes widened in fury. "You just wait 'till the boss gets here."

Reno opened his mouth to speak-or rather, swear, but Elena interrupted him. "Save it. Dick's here."

"Elena!" Cloud gaped.

"What, never heard the name of your boss before?" Elena replied calmly.

Reno grinned. "Nice one."

"No, seriously! Look at his name tag! It says 'Dick Harrowson'." Elena eyed Reno. "I'm not rude, unlike you, Reno."

"Rude." Reno sighed. "I miss him already."

Dick walked up to them, cool and collected. He was a short, stocky man, half the size of Reno, with a thin layer of dark brown hair. He had tired brown eyes, surrounded by wrinkles, which made him look older than he probably was. By Elena's estimate, he was about 35, but he looked he looked around 10 years older.

_Probably a heavy smoker..._Elena summarised.

"_He's trying to imitate a Turk_." Reno whispered in Elena's ear.

She ignored him and looked down upon the small man.

"You there." His voice was surprisingly loud for such a small person. "Tall bitch."

Reno and Cloud both looked at him and in unison said, "Yeah?" much to Elena's pleasure.

"No," He snorted, "I was indicating the redhead."

Reno rolled his eyes. "Oh, I'm touched."

"Is Cloud assaulting you, or is it the other way 'round?"

"Nah, was assaulting my girlfriend here." Reno replied.

Elena went bright red and hung her head in shame. "He reached out, I swear. Do you have camera's here for proof?"

_She knows what she's doing. I hope. _Reno tried to convince himself.

"Yes we do, as a matter of fact." Dick replied proudly, as if it were some great accomplishment. "I'll go check the tapes."

Then he left the three alone-not the smartest thing to do.

Cloud was the first to comment. "When I get off my shift, your gonna regret every word you've said tonight."

Reno sneered. "I'm _so_ scared. In fact, I think I just pissed my pants. Wanna see?"

Dick was back in an instant. "The cameras aren't working. I'm sorry for any inconveniences. I guess I'll just have to trust the loyal customers. Can I give you free tickets to the movie of your choice to make up for this...minor inconvenience? Oh, and, this little bugger won't bother you any more. _I can assure you_."

Elena and Reno grinned slyly at each other, and then at Cloud, who was scowling like mad.

"Make it Gold Class for a gil?" Reno bargained-one of his specialities.

"Done."

And with that, Reno and Elena walked off with a hi-five.

"Reno, have I ever told you how awesome you are?" Elena asked.

"No, but I assumed it."

"You're awesome_ this _much!" Elena wrapped her arms around him in a tight squeeze.

Reno lowered his hands playfully and was rewarded with a slap.

"Well I guess a guy as awesome as me deserves some treats, yeah?"

Before Elena could reply, Reno had already made his way to the front of the food line.

"Two chocolate ice-creams, two buckets of large popcorn with extra butter, and two large lifestreams." And as if that weren't enough, "Oh and don't forget the bag of assorted lollies."

"'Laney, sweetheart? I'd appreciate a hand here." Reno said as sweetly as Renoishly possible.

Mutters from the queue of people behind him weren't happy ones.

"I'll give you a hand in a minute!" A voice threatened.

"Yeah and I'll give you _this_ in a minute." Reno gave the line 'the finger' and walked off with his treats.

Elena sighed dramatically. "Well at least you got some treats for me..."

"For you? Oops, sorry, if I knew _you_ wanted some I woulda ordered double." He poked his tongue out at her.

"If you ate all this, Reno, it'd end up all over the floor. And I get the feeling you'd be paying extra for the poor sake of the cleaner."

"Who, Cloud?" Reno chuckled. "In that case, I'll barf up extra and hide a gil in it. Could you imagine that? Cloud scavenging through my vomit for a gil?! Priceless..."

"You sicken me." Elena replied blankly.

"Good, I've accomplished my life goal."

"Well then, how about..." As Elena turned to face Reno, she noticed he was standing behind her, shooting a glare of hatred at an unknown object.

"Reno?" She mumbled uselessly.

"Excuse me." He said darkly, placing his tray of food on a nearby table. "I've got some unfinished buisness to attend to."

With that, Reno strided towards the gaming section, his eyes locked onto his lifetime enemy.

The machine's tall, clear figure would have towered over any average sized man. But Reno was beyond that. He stood tall and proud as he stared down the flashing lights on either side that taunted and teased him endlessly. The prizes-a cheap mobile, music player, and camera, hung off several metal bars. So close, yet so far away.

But it wasn't the prizes Reno was after. It was the glory of defeating the stuck-up machine.

"So we meet again..." He murmured, placing his ticket on the side of the window.

As his hand grasped the large blue button, he felt a surge of determination, despite the whiney woman's voice that constantly repeated the same word.

Stacker.

Stacker.

Stacker.

Stacker.

"Yeah I'm gonna be the one doing the stackin' tonight!" Reno yelled, attracting the view of a few passerbys. "You're going down, if it means doing it with my own fists!"

Elena bit her lip. Things weren't looking good. Reno and a machine put together was a recipe for disaster.

_I can see it now...Reno kicking down the machine, swearing at it and the security guards taking him by the arm...Leaving me alone to watch my movie in peace with his stash of food..._

She smiled at that. _I think I'll stay to watch._

Within the next 30 seconds, the moment that had left everyone-well, Reno at least-breathless, had come upon them.

The last cube from the top...And...

"YOU RIGGED PIECE OF #%^!!!! YOU'RE GONNA #$^% DIE FOR THAT YOU $&*#% $^$ UP SON OF A BITCH!!!!" The machine was feeling the full wrath of Reno now. The machine's glass window was smashed, and the money inside had fallen down to the floor, where a couple of scavengers were hastily retrieving it.

Reno's EMR was destroying the machine and the prizes within, every few seconds sending out a bolt of electricity.

Elena was backing away slowly, taking whatever food she could manage to hold as she headed for the theatre doors. _Talk about anger management..._

Once Reno was satisfied with his work, he took his ticket from its place on the floor and looked up at the stunned audience that had now formed a circle around him. Within that circle two security guards were headed for him, resulting in Reno bolting after Elena.

"Comin' through! Here, have a gil! Or two. Three? Stuff this, take ten." Reno said as he pushed his way past the crowd.

"'Lena, little help!?" He called after her, smothered by a large lady and her equal sized husband.

Elena was knowhere in sight as he ran into cinema three. The guards were onto him. He would easily be able to deal with them if the need arose, but he found it would be a lot easier if he just slipped away into thin air.

Running up the aisle in the middle of the cinema, Reno scanned each row of seats in search of Elena with no luck.

Suddenly, an unseen hand pulled him to the ground, underneath the middle row of seats.

"'Lena?" Reno whispered.

"Shut up." The female voice was familiar, but it wasn't Elena's.

The guards rushed up the aisle, not with nearly as much ease as Reno the panther, searching the seats in search of the redheaded man.

Eventually, after disturbing the whole cinema, they gave up and exited, letting Reno ease his cramped muscles and to have his rescuer revealed.

The woman's medium lengthed hair shone black in the lighting of the cinema. Her eye colour was unclear, but Reno could tell that face apart from anyones.

"Tifa? What are you-" Reno began.

"If you're looking for Elena, she doesn't seem to be the sort to watch a horror. She seems more like the sorta girl that'd be watching Loveless right now."

Reno's eyes went to the screen, just in time to see a woman's eyeball being cut from its socket.

"And I'm the sorta guy that'd be watching _this_ right now. Stuff Elena's chick flick."

Tifa touched Reno's arm gently. "I think you should go to her. She'd appreciate her date actually being with her."

Tifa's smile went unnoticed as Reno reluctantly nodded and stood up. "Yeah, thanks babe."

She kicked him in the shin. "I'm not as innocent as I look, remember?"

"You _don't_ look innocent. But you do look hot." Reno winked and ran off before he got another kick-or worse.

"Don't think your getting away with that!" Tifa called after him.

Now Reno had no idea which cinema was showing Loveless. His ticket had said Cinema Three, but...

"Damn." Reno muttered as he realised this wasn't even his ticket. He must have picked up the wrong one after he had finished 'playing' Stacker.

He didn't feel too confident about asking anyone anything after the little incident that had just occoured, so he quickly stood by each door and listened in for the right movie.

Cinema One emitted the sound of a man swearing and an explosion following his curses.

The sound of an evil, most probably gay guys voice blabbering on about his mother could be heard from Cinema Two.

He didn't bother listening in on Cinema Three, but when he reached Cinema Four, he knew he had found Loveless, and his stomach churned in disgust.

_Elena had better appreciate this, cause I won't be doing _this _again anytime soon..._

Reno walked into the theatre and headed for the steps, noticing that there were only about 10 other people in there, all of them girls.

_I feel so alone..._

Once again, Reno scanned the seats until finally he laid eyes on Elena, a curled up weeping figure sitting on the very last seat in the very last row.

_Women..._

He had no trouble reaching her, the other ten people were far below them, leaving a quiet little enclave for the couple.

"S'up." Reno greeted her, and was welcomed with a rather hard punch on the leg.

"_Shut_ up." She scolded him, her blonde fringe hanging over her face more than usual as she tried to hide her tears. "He's breaking up with her..."

Reno groaned and rolled his eyes. "Oh the pain of it all. I feel for...Uh, whatever that chick's name is."

"Tessa." Elena whispered, as if it were the phrase to a magic spell.

"Yeah, that one."

_I guess I could give it a go..._Reno decided. _Although makin' out with Elena seems much more appealing..._

He looked towards the screen, where a young blonde woman was standing next to a man twice her age, crying softly.

Reno shuddered. _This is what romance is? Kill me now..._

He looked over at Elena, who gasped, tensing as the man shook his head and pulled a glistening steel dagger out of his pocket.

Reno grinned slyly. _Time for plan B._

"Get your hand off my leg." Elena snapped, slapping away his hand.

"Aw, all I wanted was some popcorn."

"You've got popcorn. It's in your lap."

"Yeah, but I want _your_ popcorn. Isn't that what boyfriends do? Share their girlfriend's food?" Reno grinned, and although Elena couldn't see it, she could sense it.

"Shut the hell up before _my_ popcorn ends up on _your_ head." Elena scowled.

"Ooh, great idea! Thanks 'Laney!"

Reno grabbed a handful of popcorn and threw it down upon the people below them. "Whee!!! It's rainin' popcorn!" He chuckled.

"I hope your hungry!"

"Get lost, jerk!" One of the women shouted.

As they all looked up at him, several of the girls began to whisper and giggle among them.

"He's pretty cute!" One said.

"Yeah, yeah!" The others agreed.

Reno called back down to them. "Look, girls, I know I'm sexy, I understand. And I'll be generous. You trade places with this boring bum over here and you've got me for the rest of the night." He indicated Elena.

"Hey, I might be absorbed in the movie, but I'm not about to miss that, bastard!" Elena retored, and slapped him across the face.

"How's_ that _for boring!?"

The girls below them giggled uncontrollably.

_Okay, plan B? Failed...Plan C? Hmm...Maybe force might work? Nah, 'Laney's pretty good with that._

Reno tried the old, 'yawn and stretch' method, and grinned as his arm got pushed away.

"I liked it better when you _weren't_ here." Elena commented.

"So did I. Huh, isn't that awesome? We even think alike!"

Elena ignored him, and eventually Reno decided he'd break into the lollies. But when he opened them, he realised there were a large sum of black jellybeans, which he despised.

"Ugh, foul." He stood up and walked into the aisle, where he bent over and used the side light on the step as a guide to picking out the black jellybeans.

"What a waste of space." He muttered. "And time. And effort..."

After just ten seconds, Reno grew bored of his task, and decided it would be more fun to make it rain lollies this time.

"It's rainin' gumdrops, hallelujah it's rainin' gumdrops! Hallelujah it's rainin'..."

"Grow up Reno! Honestly, you're acting like a 5 year old on coffee!" Elena scowled, not for the first time that night.

"Who says I'm not a 5 year old on coffee?"

Elena sighed. "Do you now see why I never agree to go out with you?"

Reno paused to think. "Well, your going out with me now, so, no."

She rolled her eyes, which flicked back to the screen for the ending moment. In unison, Reno closed his eyes and blocked his ears. He had no intention on hearing the cheesy one liner.

After ten seconds, Reno turned his head to observe Elena's reaction. Her brown eyes were filled with tears, although it was unclear as to if they were tears of joy or tears of sadness.

Elena began to applaud the movie, resulting in the other girls joining in. That lead to a cinema full of squealing and cheering, strangely reminding Reno of a cage full of starved parrots.

He scowled and blocked his ears. "If this is what a date with you is _usually_ like, I promise you, I'll never ask you out again!"

Elena began to squeal louder. "I'm free!".


	4. A Day at the Shinra HQ

**Chapter 4 A Day at the Shinra HQ**

Caution-Lame jokes galore... And reviews are greatly appreciated !

_____________________________________________________________________________

Their night ended with Reno dropping Elena at her apartment. He had tried his best to get inside, but Elena had made sure he spent the night as far away from her as possible. Reno wasn't too happy about that, but was proud to say he had actually gone out with her now. And that meant more fun pissing off Tseng!

Elena on the other hand, never admitted that she had actually enjoyed the 'date', yet she found herself dreaming about Reno all night long. Her conscience would never let her forget it. Ever. But then, was that such a bad thing...?

________________________________________________________________

"Hey 'Lena, wanna play a game?" Hearing Reno's perky, optimistic voice so early in the morning made Elena want to slap him.

_I'm late for work _once_ in my whole career and end up getting punished _this_ badly? I don't deserve this! _Her bad mood was increasing by the second, especially when she noticed that Reno was holding a cup right near her pile of paperwork.

Elena sighed. "While you're in my office, you can help out with my paperwork by _not_ holding a drink over it."

Reno snorted. "I Spy's better than boring old paperwork."

"I Spy?" She asked curiously.

Reno looked shocked. "You've _never_ heard of I Spy!?"

Elena hesitated. "No..."

His face lit up cheerfully. "It's easy! I choose a word, but don't tell you, and you have to guess what it is!"

Elena shrugged. "Why not. I could use some entertaining."

"Uh...Got one!"

"Paperwork?"

"Nope."

"EMR?"

"Nuh uh."

"Chocobo?"

"Yes!"

"Really!?"

"No."

Elena was growing impatient. "This is stupid. There are an infinite amount of words you could have chosen. How am I supposed to know which one it is?"

"By following the rules!" Reno replied.

"_Rules_? You could have told me there were rules, Reno."

"Yeah, I could have. Anyway, the rule is that I have to tell you the first letter of the word, and it has to be in sight. And if you need help, I'll give you a clue."

"Well that makes things easier." Elena muttered.

"L."

"Lights?"

"Close, but not close enough."

"Lollies?"

"Yes! You got it! Wow, you're almost as smart as me!" He cheered as he picked a gummy worm from Elena's lolly jar and crammed it into his already full-of-drink mouth.

Elena snorted. _If I'm dumber than that thing, what does that make me?_

"Okay, one more. L."

"Lights?"

"You already said that!"

"This is dumb. I give up."

"No, not yet, your so close!"

"Fine..." Elena sighed. "Lemonade."

"Huh? Where do you see lemonade?"

"Um...In your cup?"

"It's lifestream, genious."

"Oh, yeah, that's what I meant. L for lifestream, hehe."

"_One_ more." Reno added.

"You just said that."

"Yeah, but I changed my mind. L."

"Again?"

Reno sighed. "No, that starts with a."

Elena rolled her eyes. "Lollies?"

"Yes!"

"You're telling me you chose lollies _again_?" Elena said blankly.

"No, but your getting a hang of the game!" Reno replied, his trademark grin on his face.

Elena sighed. "Please get lost."

"Hey, are you a good speller?" Reno asked, ignoring her request.

Her eyes lit up as she announced proudly, "Yes actually! I came first in the school for the spelling bee in grade 8!"

"Well then, this should be easy, if your as great as you say you are. Spell icup."

Elena smirked. "I-c-u-p! Icup!"

She went pale as she realised what she had been tricked into saying. "Reno!"

He chuckled. "Wow 'Lena, you really are a good speller!"

Secretly, Reno pressed the record button on Elena's phone. _Hehe...This is gonna be good..._

"Hey...listen...'bout Tseng..." Reno began.

"What?"

"You really love him, don't ya?"

"I thought we went through this before, Reno."

"I know, I know...You think he's hot. But that's not the only reason your gonna propose, right?"

Realising what he was doing, she tried to take a step forward to delete the recorded message, but a little too late. Reno had already pressed save. Now all that needed doing was to hit the send button and...

"Eeeek!!!" Elena screeched, staring at her feet. "What the hell did you do Reno!?"

Her shoes were covered in a clear, sticky substance.

"Oh, so straight away you blame me?" He grinned proudly as he continued. "Super Super Glue Grade 5. Made from the depths of hell-Hojo's Lab. Good stuff that." Reno grinned, eyeing the send button on the phone.

"I'm going to _kill_ you Reno!" Elena scowled.

Ignoring her curses, Reno turned to her, his hand an inch away from the button. "It's time, 'Lena."

"No, Reno, don't-"

"I'm gonna press the button...." He sang.

"Reno you can't-"

"I'm pressin' the button..."

"Reno if you press it-!"

"I pressed the button."

"Damn you Reno!" She wailed.

She would have chased him out of the Shinra building and into the local pond had she not been stuck here on this forsaken ground, especially after seeing him walk casually to the door, humming cheerfully. Once he had reached the doorframe, he turned around to wink at her. "Catch'a later 'Laney. Think Tseng'll be happy with your proposal?"

She gave him the finger, but a little too late. Tseng walked into her office, smiling until he saw her greeting. "Excuse me, Elena? Did I do something wrong?"

Blushing madly, she replied, "Not at all, sir. Reno on the other hand...Well, you know."

"What is he up to now?" The black haired man sighed.

"Uh, you know...Uh, coming up with new nicknames?" It was more of a question than a statement.

"Might have guessed." He muttered, before looking up at her. "He's been calling you Princess Mary Sally a lot lately."

"Princess Mary Sally?" She repeated blankly.

"I don't know...Anyhow, the reason I came up here was to give you a task. I tried calling, but the phone was occupied at the time." He handed her a small list.

"Uh...A shopping list, sir?" Elena replied, stunned.

"Is there a problem, Elena?"

She frowned, and put her hand on her hip in thought. "Well, no sir. It's just that, doesn't your mother usually do that?"

She instantly regretted her words. Tseng was sensitive when it came to personal subjects, especially when they involved his mother.

He went a slight shade of pink. Only slight. "Hell knows how you knew that, but yes. She's occupied right now, and I thought shopping was a woman's thing, so I figured you'd be perfect for the job."

She was tempted to ask, "Don't you know any other women besides me and your mother?" but thought better of it. Instead, she replied, "I'd be honoured to...do your grocery shopping."

Tseng nodded. "Good. I'll expect it within the hour."

With that, he walked out of the room, but stopped as he remembered something. "And Elena?"

"Yes sir?"

"You _could_ just take your feet out of your shoes, you know."

Turning a bright shade of red, she nodded sadly. "I could."

_________________________________

"Wheee!!!" Reno sang as he spun around in circles in his chair.

"Wheee!!!"

"Whee-Aah!!!"

He smashed his hands onto his desk to stop the nauseating spinning as he faced the familiar face of his boss. "Uh...'Sup? Uh...Boss-man? Uh...Sir?"

"Reno, I have a favour." Tseng said.

"I don't do favours, sorry."

Tseng sighed. "Let me reword that. I have a _mission_ for you."

Reno's aquamarine eyes widened cheerfully as he saluted him. "I will gladly accept anything you may try to throw my way, Sir!"

"Better." He cleared his throat. "My grandmother is coming to visit the-"

"WHAT THE SEPHIROTH!!!???" Reno burst into laughter. "Your _grandmother_?? Wh-What is she, like, 250 years old or somethin'!?"

Tseng frowned, not really in the mood for Reno's antics. "She's 69, and none too happy either."

Reno glanced at the floor and said quietly, "Son of a bitch! Awesome man! She's just like you!"

Tseng stared at the redhead, his features darkening to the colour of his hair. "Reno..." He muttered warningly.

Reno looked at him apologetically. "Sorry boss. _Grand_son of a bitch."

"_Let_ me continue." He said between gritted teeth. "I want you to give my grandmother a tour of the Shinra Building. She's keen to see what I've been doing for the past decade, so she came from her home in Costa Del Sol-"

"Costa Del Sol? She lives _there_? Since when?" Reno interrupted.

"_Since I said so_." Tseng growled, desperately trying not to yell.

"Okay, alright, whatever. Go on, tight a-Sir."

"Just read this." Tseng slammed a piece of paper on his desk and stormed off. "And don't do anything dumb, or your fired!"

Reno snorted and put his hands behind his head. "Yeah, right. And chocobo's fly."

He thought about that for a moment. "Don't they?"

The door burst open once again to reveal the enraged form of Elena. He could have sworn he saw Sephiroth in those piercing brown eyes as she stormed-quite quickly-towards him.

"Friggin hell! It's the devil in heels! I'm outta here!" Reno yelped as he emerged from his seat.

"Any last words, 'Reno of the Turks'!?" Elena yelled.

"Yep! Tseng's gone down to get a coffee, so you might have a chance at deleting that message-that is, if your quick enough." Reno answered, grinning proudly at his genius plan.

Elena paused at his comment. He could be lying, but then, she didn't want to miss the opportunity to destroy any evidence.

"Alright..." She agreed. "But don't think your getting away with this!"

_Great, now I've got two chicks trying to kill me. Question is, who's worse? _Reno felt slightly sick as he slumped back into his chair. _Well, I'll just have to beat them at their own game. _

____________________________________________________________

Elena slowly turned the doorhandle and crept into Tseng's office. To her relief, it was empty, leaving Elena alone with the cursed phone.

She walked over to it and searched for the message log, not having much luck. _Damned phone_.

_Naughty 'Lena_. Her conscious teased.

_Aren't you supposed to be thinking of a name, Susan?_ Her conscious fell silent.

Without Elena acknowledging anyone was even in the room, a strong hand took the phone from her grasp. Elena felt sick. She'd been caught.

"Tseng-" She began.

"Elena?" The strong, solid voice was not Tseng's, but Rude's.

"_Rude!?_" Elena exclaimed.

"Tseng's office is next door." Rude replied, softly smirking.

Elena blushed. "I know, um...I thought...I was delivering...Uh...I gotta go!"

Rude shook his head as she scurried out of his office. _What's Reno up to now?_

_____________________________________________________________

"Dum, dee dum da doo dee doo da..." Reno sang softly to himself as he placed the small fuzzy creature in Elena's pencilcase.

The huntsman was harmless, but it was bound to give Elena the greatest shock of her life. "There ya go lil' buddy! Hope ya like your new home! Now, when 'Laney unzips this, you gotta jump out and crawl up her arm, 'kay?"

He softly pet the spider goodbye. "Give it all ya got, bud'!"


	5. Beat 'em at their own game

I've had heaps of homework lately, but I always manage to find time to write, so hopefully I shouldn't keep you waiting for updates too long ! Enjoy, and remember, reviews are greatly appreciated.

(I still don't own Final Fantasy, etc)

_____________________________________________________________________________

Phase one of Reno's ultimate plan was complete.

Now, for Phase two...

_______________________________

"So ya got it now bud'?" Reno asked the bald headed man.

Rude hesitated, not really wanting to take part in a prank on his crush, Tifa. But after she ditched him for Cloud last week, Rude felt the urge to pay her back somehow-to show her who's boss.

"I got it."

Reno motioned Rude inside with a sweep of his hands. "Ladies first-Oops. I mean, men fir-I mean...Bald hai-Nngh...Just go."Raising an eyebrow behind his dark sunglasses, he walked casually into Seventh Heaven and took a seat at the bar counter. To his surprise, Tifa wasn't there. Instead, a girl about the age of 10 stood, greeting him with a friendly wave.

"Hiya Rude!"

"Mar...lene?" Rude mumbled.

"They call me that. How can I help you?" The cheerful young girl gazed at him with her solid brown eyes. They were strong and unwavering, unlike the last time he saw her.

"Where's Tifa?"

"Oh, she went to get Denzel's birthday present. She'll be back soon, though!"

"Uh, okay. Can I get a..." For some reason, he felt strange asking the girl for a beer, so instead, he asked for something a little more innocent. "Slice of...Mudcake?"

Marlene cocked her head to the side, smiling sweetly. "You don't have to be shy. I know how to make a good beer. Tifa showed me!"

Rude frowned, feeling slightly concerned for the young girl. Only ten and dealing with slum drunkards and...Reno's.

"No, I'll just take the cake, thanks."

Marlene shrugged. "Suit yourself. I'll just have to give your ready made beer to Mr Reno out there!"

His eyes widened. "Huh?"

"I'm not stupid, Baldie!" Marlene giggled.

_She's sounding more and more like Tifa by the day. _Rude realised sadly.

She scanned the bar to make sure no one was listening before whispering in his ear. "I'll empty out the cookie jar."

Surprised, but not being bothered enough to ask how she knew, Rude nodded. Watching her throw the choc chip cookies in the bin, he came to the conclusion that it was better Tifa was away. "Thanks, kid."

Marlene shrugged, her long brown hair snaking down her back from its position on her shoulder. "Tifa's been giving me loads of work lately...It's like _I'm_ the head of this place now! She never stops spending time with Cloud, and it's really annoying, 'cause they get to stay in their room all night and design posters for Seventh Heaven!"

Rude cleared his throat, a sickening feeling growing in his stomach. "Uh...How long have they been...'designing posters'?"

Marlene frowned in concentration as she counted with her fingers. "Six days."

Not giving Rude a chance to comment, she continued. "They say if we go in their room, the posters will be ruined 'cause it won't be a surprise anymore...And that means they'll have to start them _all_ over again. And I'm _really_ getting sick of night duty. Denzel doesn't like scrubbing the toilets, either."

"Guess we'll have to bring this prank up a notch then, yeah?" Rude decided darkly as he thought of Cloud and Tifa together.

"Yeah!" Marlene agreed. "Reno?"

When there was no reply, Rude tried his luck. "Reno, our cover's blown. You can come in now."

A small head peeked through the door. As the two Turks made eye contact, Reno made his way inside with proud strides.

"So the brat's a smart ass then?" Reno inquired, his hand on his EMR.

"Reno." Rude muttered. "Don't start. She's with us."

Reno tested her with his famous death stare, but she didn't even flinch. "Hmph. You pass the test of courage...Welcome aboard."

Marlene continued to smile. "I hope you brought lotsa them."

Reno shot Rude an inquisitive glance, and in return recieved a clueless one. "Ya know what? I reckon Tifa could use a change of flavour."

Reno was grinning madly as he pulled a small container from his jacket pocket. "Hello, my sweets!"

The next moment, the container was emptied into Tifa's cookie jar, which he placed up on a cupboard just out of Marlene's reach.

"Tee hee!" Reno giggled. "Serves her right for threatening me with those big b-Uh, balloons of hers."

"I don't really know what your talking about, but I _do_ happen to know that you laugh like a girl!" Marlene commented, laughing so hard she almost fell to the floor.

"Mar-lene!" Came the sing song voice from outside. "I'm ba-ack!"

"Uh-" Marlene began.

The two Turks needed no further warning. They were already out the back door, spying intently on the scene they were about to witness.

"Wow!" Marlene's gaped as she observed the present. "Denzel will love it!"

Tifa's voice replied; "I'm glad you think so!"

"Umm...Tifa? Can I please have a cookie? In exchange for looking after the bar? Someone moved them and now I can't reach."

"Sure thing sweetie! I'll just go get you one, 'kay?"

Tifa walked over to the cupboard where the cookie jar was kept, and pulled it down. She slowly unscrewed the lid, and...

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!! B-BEES!!!!!!!!!"

A swarm of bees were unleashed upon the bar, recklessly buzzing in every crack and crevice in sight. Hordes of customers rushed outside to avoid the mass of insects headed towards their tables, leaving Reno, Rude and Marlene rolling on the ground in hysterics.

Denzel suddenly entered the room, and, realising his mistake, hurriedly ran back into the toilets.

Tifa had found the pest spray and was now aimlessly spraying every moving thing in sight. "STAY BACK, DEMON BEES!!!!"

"Wow. She _really_ hates bees." Somehow, Elena had managed to show up at the scene at the last moment, only to find her two fellow Turks rolling in the mud on the ground, laughing hysterically. "If you have any sense at all, you'd be running like hell for the airport. With the mood she's in now, she'd chase you around the world and back to lay her hands on you two."

They completely ignored her, finding it more beneficial to roll around in mud all day. "Honestly, your both a bunch of pigs!" Elena scoffed and stormed off.

_____________________________________

After finally removing the message from Tseng's phone, Elena made her way to the local shopping mall for her boss' groceries.

The list was nothing major, containing just a few simple items, but it was humorous all the same. A rookie doing her boss' groceries in place of his mother...Strange, but unusually satisfying. She must have done _something_ right to have earned the careful task of buying his groceries.

The supermarket was almost empty, despite it being a Friday afternoon. That left more space for Elena to cruise around in.

She scanned the list quickly, but stopped as she read one of the items. It had said '30kg of chokobo meat', but that was now crossed out, and in its place was 300g of chicken breast.

_Chocobo meat? 30kg!? What the heck? That's not even how you spell... _Elena instantly realised what had happened, and it was easily explained in one short word. _Reno. _

_How the hell did he get his dirty little hands on Tseng's shopping list? _Elena wondered.

"What can I get you today?" A young, cheerful voice asked her.

Elena looked up at the young woman behind the deli counter. She was about 16 and had short brown hair that looked oddly familiar.

"30kg-Sorry, 300g of chicken breast, thanks." Elena replied, cursing Reno.

As the young woman turned around to wrap up the meat, Elena noticed her belt. It was completely stacked with materia-restore, bolt, and steal just to name a few.

"...Yuffie Kisagari?" Elena asked.

The brown haired girl turned to face her. "That's me. What can I do for you?"

Elena hesitated, unsure whether to ask her or not. She decided on saying it. "You do know about Cid and Vincent, right?"

Yuffie nodded her head, smiling. "Yep. Pretty funny really."

Elena tried hard not to stumble. "Funny? I thought-"

"Sorry..." Yuffie interrupted. "People keep telling me to be nicer. After all, their singing isn't _that_ bad..."

"_Singing_?" Elena choked.

Yuffie frowned, her expression puzzled. "That's what you meant, right?"

Elena blushed, despite her best efforts not to. "Yeah...Yeah. But, well, I wouldn't really call that singing, hehe."

A giggle escaped her lips. "True."

The girl's brown eyes lit up all of a sudden. "Hey! That's a great idea! What about you come to Friday karaoke night with me and Tifa!? I won first place in the competition last year. You should hear me sing! I'm well known for the song 'Materia Girl'. And I-"

Elena had no intention of hearing her life story. And she definitely had no intention in going to a karaoke party with the bitchy Avalanche girls. "That sounds great! I'll see if I'm free..."

She opened up the notepad Tseng's shopping list was on and pretended to read. "Damn. Sorry, Yuffie...I'm busy tonight. Turk meeting, you know the drill...Maybe next week?"

_Please say no, please say no..._ Elena pleaded.

"That's a shame. I'm going on a holiday back to Wutai next Monday. Maybe next month, hey?" Yuffie answered.

_Yes!_ Elena cheered mentally.

"Yeah, we'll have to wait till then!" She replied instead. "Could I possibly get my chicken now?"

Yuffie gave a short, girly giggle. "Oops. Here ya go!"

Elena politely placed the chicken in the trolley and advanced to the fruit section.

"Bananas?" She grabbed a bunch of the ripe yellow fruits. "Check."

"Cherries?" She scanned the fruit aisle with no luck. "Where the hell are the cherries?"

To her surprise, one of the young men handed her a bag full of cherries. "Here ya go."

_Knowing the kind of people in Midgar, he probably poisoned them. _Elena considered the idea. _Meh, it's not _my_ food._

"Check. Bangels?" Elena stared at the list as she rechecked that she was reading it properly. "Reno again?"

_What could bangels mean?_ Elena thought, until it hit her. _Bagels!_

She looked at the scribbled out word. Vanilla Ice cream.

_That's weird. Why would Reno cross out ice cream? He loves it! _Elena frowned. _Meh, I'm getting the ice cream._

Four down, four to go. Elena read the next item on the list. It too was scribbled out, and replaced by dark chocolate.

"Wholegrain bread." Elena muttered. "Since when does Tseng eat wholegrain bread?"

In the bread went, followed by a bottle of spring water, a dog collar, and finally, a packet of ham.

In total, five of the eight items had been scribbled out and replaced by Reno's junk food.

_I can't believe Reno thought I was that dumb!_ Elena sneered as she placed the items on the conveyor belt.

_He was smart to assume so. _Her conscience added.

_Sus_-Elena began.

_I think you'll find my name is Valerie the Wise._ Her conscience interrupted.

_Valerie the Wise?_ Elena snorted. _You think pretty highly of yourself, don't you?_

_Call me anything apart from Valerie, andI'll call you Princess Mary Sally in exchange. _

_I still don't get it! What does that mean?_

_You do realise your asking yourself that, right? I'm just the annoying doubt in the back of your mind that constantly keeps you company. I don't have any answers._

_Do me a favour and go find someone else's mind to raid._

_I like it here, thankyou._

_Stuck-up f-_

"That comes to a total of 119 gil." Another cheerful voice invaded her thoughts.

_What's with all these fakers trying to sound happy? It's annoying! Are they trying to make me feel bad about myself? Or do they want something from me? That's it, they want me to join their stupid supermarket club where they can throw offers at me all day long and bombard me with idiodic questions! Then I'll get mad and give up, and then end up giving them 1000 gil, and then Reno will call me a loser and tease me about my financial status! _Elena couldn't help but come to the conclusion that it was all Reno's fault. _That's it, when I get back to Shinra HQ, I'm gonna kick Reno in the ass and throw his stupid fake list in his face, and see how he likes being treated like dirt!_

"Um..." The checkout girl began.

"Er...Sorry. 19 gil was it?" Elena blushed.

The girl turned pink also. "119. Heh."

"Oh, yes, of course." She handed over the money and quickly exited the shopping center.

_I see why Tseng gets someone else to do his dirty work. _Elena realised.

____________________________________

"Ya know, partner? Bathing in chocobo crap 'aint that bad. It's nice 'n warm!" Reno was grinning.

"I'm glad you think so." His partner mumbled, still furious that Tifa had thrown them in the dung of the Chocobo Stables.

"Actually, I'm just tryin' to stay positive. This crap smells like...crap." Reno admitted, shaking the brown substance off his right hand.

"Ugh..." He continued. "Who knew a Turk's work could get so..._Messy_."

Rude lay back in the mound and closed his eyes. His sunglasses had been taken off him and crushed, although he still had pairs left in his jacket, but he just didn't feel the need to get them all smashed.

"Ya know, we're gonna be in here a couple more hours. We may as well have some fun in here!" Reno began to shape a ball from the chocobo dung.

Rude opened his eyes and stared at him in disgust. "If you dare..."

"I dare! Ya hee!" Reno threw the ball in Rude's face. It landed with a splat-the one time he wasn't wearing glasses.

Rude felt nauseous as he wiped the filth from his eyes. "You asked for it, Reno."

As he started to roll a ball of dung, a voice interrupted them.

"Why don't you two just get out?"

The two Turks turned their dung covered heads towards the sound. Marlene was leaning over the fence of the Stables, her plait hanging over her shoulder as she smiled cheekily.

"Because, _brat_, your bitch of a mother threatened to sit a chocobo on top of us, record it, and send it to Rufass. And I don't particularily want to be the laughing stock of the whole Shinra building." Reno answered, glaring at her.

"Why didn't she do that? You deserved it." Marlene wondered aloud, awaiting their reaction.

Rude had to pull Reno back down to stop him from touching the girl. "Reno."

"Your gonna fu-" Reno began.

"Ah ah! No swearing, Mr Reno." Marlene ordered sternly. "Now, who is Rufass?"

Reno was halfway out of the chocobo mound now. "Oh your in for it, traitorous brat. You just wait..."

"I'm not a traitor! I'm not on anyones side. It's simple! If I like someones idea, I join in. If I don't, I find another game to play!" With that, Marlene skipped towards the bar down the street.

"She came all the way down here to say that?" Rude muttered.

"She had to check up on us, dumbass. I thought you were a Turk." Reno didn't mean to sound rude, but he wasn't in the best of moods.

Rude was smart enough to ignore him in this state, so they sat in silence-until Reno began to whistle an irritatingly familiar tune.

"What're you whistling?" Rude asked.

"A song."

"What song?"

"A good song."

Rude was growing weary now. "What is the name of the song your singing?"

"Barbera."

"Where'd you get that name from?"

"Made it up."

"When?"

"Just then."

Rude sighed. "Whatever."

"I win!" Reno cheered, raising a hand in the air, which resulted in the flinging of dung onto Rude's bald head.

Sinking further into the mound, Rude muttered, "What did I do to deserve being partnered up with a redheaded idiot?"


	6. Old Grannies and Garbage Bins

"Come in." Tseng ordered at the sound of the knock on his office door.

The blonde haired woman half skipped towards his desk. "Your groceries are done, Sir! There was a minor problem...related to Reno...but I dealt with it in a mature and appropriate way."

"Well that's...good, although that's how I expect a Turk to behave..." Tseng trailed off, rather awkwardly. "Anyway, I assume they are at my apartment?"

Elena went pale. "Oh, um, of course...I mean...do I need the keys?"

Tseng stared at her blankly. _Reno seems to be rubbing off on her._

"Yes."

"Uh...May I have them then, Sir?"

"I would think you would already have them. We all have the keys to each others apartments-except Reno-remember?" Tseng was frowning now, doing nothing to ease Elena's nervous stomach.

_Yeah 'Laney! Your a Turk, you should know that! _Her cons-Valerie the Wise began.

_You just wait._ Elena replied icily. _I'm gonna find a way to make you human, and then I'm gonna drive Sephiroth's very own sword straight up your as-_

_Ah ah! No naughty words, 'little 'Laney'. Don't make me tell Mummy! _Valerie retorted.

"...Elena? Did you hear a word I just said?" Tseng's voice impaled her thoughts.

"Yes, Sir."

"What did I say?" Tseng's glare was enough to make a child cry.

"We all have apartment keys except Reno, because he's an idiot who cannot be trusted." Elena replied smoothly.

"Well, that's true, but it's not what I said. I said to deliver the groceries to my apartment, and then tell Reno to come to my office immediantly." Jotting something down on a sheet of paper, Tseng added, "And tell him it involves my 250 year old mother."

"Huh?" Elena began, confused now. "Your mother is-"

Tseng sighed. "Personal joke. He'll know what I mean. Now will you do that for me?"

Pausing to think, Elena slowly nodded. "Right away Sir."

As the blonde haired Turk walked out of the room-less enthusiastically this time, Tseng sighed. "What _is_ becoming of these Turks?"

________________________________

Reno was less than excited when he laid eyes on the woman. She was of small stature, short, frail, and as pale as a ghost, making Reno shudder.

_I thought Tseng said she was 69...Heavens help me, she looks _at least _40 years older. _Reno grimaced, feeling sick and tired of his job already.

"Uh...How...Do ya do?" Reno began, not really knowing the proper etiquette of greeting old ladies-especially rich ones.

To Reno's frustration, the woman ignored him, staring at something behind his figure as if in a trance.

"Helloo?! Anyone home?" He asked, tapping the woman's skull lightly.

"OWWW!!!!!" The woman moaned, grasping her head in pain. "My head, my poor, poor head! Monster-Monster! Somebody help me!"

_Okay...Thing's aren't lookin' so good...And this is only the beginning. _Reno summarised.

"Aha!" His mood quickly changed as he clicked his fingers in realisation. "At times like these, give Elena a squeeze!"

__________________________________

After Elena placed the grocery bags on Tseng's benchtop, she slumped down into his crimson armchair for a quick rest.

"Damned Tseng and his damned mother..." She muttered. "Making me do all their dirty work..."

Her curses were 'rudely' interrupted by the sound of her PHS ringing. "Whatta they want now, the lazy assed morons!?"

Clearing her throat, Elena began sweetly, "Hello, this is Elena speaking, how may I-"

"Yeah yeah whatever...Look, I need your help right now. It's...an emergency." Reno's voice.

"Deal with it yourself, I've got my own-"

"Seriously, I don't give a damn right now, 'Lena. I've got a mad nuthead whacking me in the head with her handbag, and I'm getting really tempted to introduce her to Mr EMR. And I don't think Tseng would be too happy to find his mother in hospital because of my doing."

Elena sighed and sunk further into the armchair. "Reno...What did you do this time? Give her one of your dirty 'knock knock' jokes?"

"She ignored me and...It doesn't matter. Look, are you gonna help me or not?"

Elena pursed her lips. "What's in it for me?"

"WHAT!?" She winced as the piercing voice entered her ear canal. "We're s'posed to be a team-"

"Do you want help or not?"

There was a pause, followed by a yelp at the sound of brick meeting skull. "HOLY #%^! OKAY OKAY!!!! I'll give ya whatever ya want...Just help!!!"

Beep.

Elena threw her PHS onto the armchair next to her and sighed. "When will he learn to take care of himself?"

_I don't know 'Laney, take a wild guess._ Valerie retorted.

_If you don't shut up, I'm gonna play some hardcore rock on my music player and sing along-screamo style. _Elena threatened, knowing how much heavy metal tortured it, and knowing that her singing was despised a thousand times more.

On her way out of the house, Elena noticed something sticking out of his overflowing garbage bin. It wasn't a pretty sight, and definitely none of her buisness.

"No way...Tell me this isn't true!" Elena whispered. "Not the love of my life..."

_Looks like Mr Tseng's been getting down and dirty, eh 'Lena? _Valerie sneered.

_Stay out of my buisness!_

Your _buisness? I thought it was Tseng and his _girlfriend'_s buisness?_

Elena ignored her comment and stormed out of her boss' apartment, trying-and failing, to stay keep herself under control.

_Life is good, life is good, life is good...Man, I'd better get a good reward for this!_

_____________________________

"La...dy! Pl...ease, cut...me...some...s-slack! OH $#^ THAT'S PAINFUL!!!" Reno was struggling to hold himself together under the almighty wrath of the old lady.

"Nobody messes with 'Big P' and gets away with it!" The wrinkled old lady yelled, kicking the redhead in the groin with her high heeled stilettos.

"Why...the hell are...you wearin'...them thing's...anyway!?" Reno managed to ask.

"For defense against the likes of you young ruffians!" She retorted, whacking him across the face with her handbag for at least the fiftieth time in the past two minutes.

"Lady...If my fellow...!%#-Turk...doesn't...get here in the next...$!& this...ten...seconds...I'll be unlea...shin'...the full...ah crap! Force...of my trus...ty...EMR!"

He couldn't take anymore of the insufferable torture. He drew his EMR, and...

WHACK!!!

Reno stared in horror with his mouth hung open at the sight in front of him. Elena was standing over the fallen figure of the old lady, tears streaking her face.

"_Elena_?" He gaped. "Did you just-"

"That wasn't Tseng's mother." Her voice was soft and tired, as if she didn't care if it was or wasn't. "It was my grandmother."

His mouth only widened, along with his eyes. "And that's more of a reason to knock her out!?"

"You don't know her..."

"Well no, but from what I just saw...She might have been a violent airhead but she didn't exactly look like an evil murderous villain. Well...At least, not as much as Sephiroth..."

"I didn't mean it in that sense...Look, it doesn't matter. Your safe now, right?" Elena replied, her head hung.

"Well, yeah, but-"

"Then that's that."

There was a long silence.

"Oh, and Tseng wants to see you. Now." She added.

Reno knew better than to question her when she was like this. "Elena...?"

"Not now, Reno. Just go."

"Uh, I just wanted to let you know that..."

"Reno, please. I'm not in the mood."

"Fine. But don't blame me when the spider on your head peeps down to say hello."

Elena's eyes widened as she yelped. "Get it off!!! Reno, get it off!"

She was madly hitting herself on the head until finally, Reno bent down and plucked the tiny creature from her hair.

"I think it likes you." Reno admitted, staring at Elena blankly as she stormed towards her car in a huff.

Reno glanced at the spider with a raised eyebrow. "You got a chick like this at home too, bud?"

Reno nodded at the unspoken reply. "I feel your pain, bro. I feel your pain..."

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

No, surprisingly enough, I'm not very fond of spiders. But hey, it's always fun to write about them!

Oh and yeah, sorry if this chapter seems short...It just seemed like the perfect place to end it! The next chapter will be a lot longer-I promise you that!

Anyways, thankies for reading, it's much appreciated. So is reviewing ;)


	7. Talking Toy

"I love you, you love me, we're a happy family...na na na na na somethin' somethin' gay, I hope you have a very crappy day."

Tseng could hear Reno's...ahem...'singing', from his office, and he pitied himself for it. _5, 4, 3, 2, 1...Heaven's save me._

"'Sup! You called?" Reno practically sprung onto-yes, onto-his desk, sending piles of paperwork flying, and Tseng's patience with them.

"Reno, I've been patient. Now get the hell off my desk before I confiscate your EMR." Tseng sighed, trying hard not to yell, which was a very difficult task when dealing with Reno.

Reno didn't budge. Instead, he cocked his head to the side, faking confusion. "Hell is on your desk? You don't mean me, do you Tsengy? Because, well, that wouldn't be very nice. In fact, that could be considered verbal abuse, and if that's the case, I could sue you."

Tseng's eyes were darkened with a tamed fury that was waiting to be unleashed. "Say one more word, Reno. One more word..."

Reno simply shrugged. "One more word."

Tseng was at his wits end. Sighing, he pulled open one of the drawers on his desk, and slowly revealed the item.

"I didn't want it to come to this..."

Reno instantly got off the table, quickly tidying up the fallen papers and ruffled books. "Uh, heh." He swallowed hard. "Sorry...Sir?"

To Reno's surprise, what Tseng held out in front of him was as harmless as a mouse. It was a small, yellow, stuffed animal, or to be precise, a child's chocobo plush toy.

"You do realise what your holding, right? 'Cause from what I know, that aint no weapon."

Tseng wasn't sure if it were bravery or stupidity that caused Reno to ask him a question when he was in a state like this. Either way, he didn't care.

"Meet 'The Talking Toy'. You can name it whatever the heck you want to, but the rule is that you are only allowed to speak when you are holding it."

"What the fu-"

"Reno."

"This is retarded and gay! It's gaytarded! I have a right to speak!"

"When you are holding the toy you do."

Reno crossed his arms. "Ya can't make me."

"No, I can't. But each time you speak without holding the toy, I take 5% of your monthly pay out of your cheque." Tseng replied curtly.

"You can't do that, it's illegal! I might be an annoying ass, but I'm not dumb, I know _that_!" Reno retorted, exasperated.

_Reno admitting to his own faults? What a breakthrough. _Tseng was speechless.

Finally, he gathered the words together, and replied calmly, "I discussed this with President Rufus, and a vote was held. Your fan club was outnumbered 23 to 1."

Reno stared at him, dumbfounded. "Fan club? I have a fan club? Score!"

"Yes, with one member. Rude."

"RUDE!!!!??? WHAT THE #^&!!!??? What happened to all the hot blonde fangirls wearing cheerleading outfits and-"

"I was thinking that myself." The concept of Tseng thinking like Reno was incomprehensible. "Rude must be...ahem...'fond' of your voicing of opinions. Quite frankly, I think you may have driven him to the brink of insanity."

Reno shrugged. "Probably. Uh...Can I see that toy?"

Tseng just stared.

"Boss?"

"Whatever genious plan you have concocted in that strange mind of yours, I don't want a preview of." Tseng said finally.

"What the-? Well then how do you expect me to use the damned thing?!"

"I never said you couldn't use it. I was simply warning you."

"Go warn someone who cares!"

"That's 5%."

"Since when di-"

"10%."

Reno scowled. "Stuff you, Tseng!"

"15%...My, Reno, you sure don't seem too keen on getting your paycheck this month."

"What the hell did you call me in for anyway?!"

"Finished yet? That's 20%, by the way."

"La la la la la...I'M NOT LISTENING!!!"

"25%...30%...35%..."

Reno gave up and stormed out of the office, muttering curses as he left.

"I did have something I needed to tell you, Reno." Tseng called after him.

"Tell it to my ass!" Came the muffled reply.

He shook his head sadly. "Really, will he ever grow up?"

_______________________________

_I hate that bastard and his bitch of a girlfriend... _Elena cursed, letting off some steam as she went up and down in the elevators non stop.

_And I don't care if the security cameras are taping my every move!_

Ding!

The elevator door opened, and with it, entered the hulking form of Reno. He stood next to her, saying nothing, but glaring at the doors like they were his worst enemy.

"What's with _you_?" Elena muttered.

"Stupid Tseng and his stupid toy and his stupid rules..." Reno's reply was barely audible.

"Tseng, hey?" Her brown eyes lit up with pure evil emerging. "You wanna make him pay?"

Reno looked up at her with his keen aquamarine eyes. "Hell yes! What'd he do to you?"

Elena kicked the tile floor. "Left me heartbroken."

Reno grinned. "He rejected you?"

_Excellent, now the bastard's left the building, it's time for me to move on in! _Reno was happy now.

"No."

_Damn it. _"Uh, what is it then?"

"He got a girlfriend."

"How'd ya know?"

Elena blushed. "Um..."

Reno raised an eyebrow. "You went into his apartment, didn't you?"

"Well, maybe..."

"And you found 'something' stickin' outta the bin?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

Reno went pale. "Uh, lucky guess."

Elena glared daggers at him. "Reno..."

Her voice was deathly quiet as she advanced on him, backing him into a corner. "What did you do?"

"You don't wanna know, trust me." Reno insisted.

"Oh, I wanna know alright Reno! Tell me what you did or I'll-"

"I got laid with his sister! Happy now!?" Reno yelped. "You'd better damn hope the security cameras didn't pick that up-"

"YOU WHAT!!!!!????" Elena jerked his collar upwards and punched him in the face-hard. "You'd better be joking, you disgraceful womanizing pig, or I'll say it loud and proud on the loudspeaker so _everyone_ will hear!!!"

"Okay, I'm joking! Hell, what'd'ya want me to say!?" Reno pulled her hand off his collar to ease the pain.

Elena let go of him and turned to face the other side of the elevator. Secretly, she was filled with a hopeful joy. If Reno was telling the truth about what had happened, that meant Tseng really _didn't_ have a girlfriend, and _that_ meant her dreams still had a chance to be fulfilled.

"'Laney?"

But then, there was always Reno in the way. She decided to ignore him and began muttering to herself instead. "Why the hell does this elevator have to go up 69 floors!?"

"68." Reno added playfully.

"69."

"68."

"69, dimwit!"

"68, Princess Mary Sally." Reno retorted, grinning wildly now.

"What the hell does that even mean!!??" Elena burst out, rather unexpectedly.

Reno cleared his throad and replied, "P for Princess...M for Mary...and S for Sally! Put 'em all together and you get-OW!!! !$# ELENA!!!" Reno grinned and added, "Is what I'll be saying tonight."

"Stupid asshole...Your just as bad as Tseng!" Tseng wasn't the only one tiring of Reno's antics. He just didn't know when to shut up, and that, amongst countless other things, frustrated Elena.

Reno whistled. "Your sayin' Tseng says stuff like this too?"

Elena replied sarcastically, "Oh yeah, just last night he told me I wasn't going hard enough, and then after that, he told me I was going too damn fast..."

"Look, 'Laney. I don't really wanna hear about the fun you had last night...I know your excited and all, but still..." Reno stretched out his arms and flexed.

"I was talking about driving. In the car." She gave him her strongest death stare.

"Hey, what's with you checkin' me out, 'Laney?" Reno asked innocently. "I'm not _that_ hot am I? Sorry, dumb question."

Elena kicked him in the shin. "One more word and I'll raise my kick."

"Yeah, you'd love to touch there."

"Reno, your sick." Elena was close to vomiting.

"No, I think _you_ are."

Elena moaned, and had to restrain herself from hitting her head on the wall of the elevator. "Why is this thing taking so long...?"

As if under her control, the elevator released a soft ding in unison with her pleading. If only Reno would do the same...

"Oh, about time!" She sighed and sprinted towards the entrance, leaving Reno dawdling behind.

"Laaaaaney! Ohhh, Laaaaaney!" Reno called after her, smirking as her pace increased. "Gimme a kiss, Laney! A big, fat, sloppy wet one! C'mon, ya know ya want to!"

When there was no reply, he began to jog towards her, only to be grabbed by the wrist and pulled backwards, underneath the staircase.

"Nngh..."

"Shh!" The whisper belonged to a child.

"Huh?" Reno turned to face the child. It was a boy, about the age of 10, with playful sapphire eyes that seemed to dance with mischief. His hair was black, short and spiked upwards with what looked to be a huge sum of gel. The boy looked like a troublemaker, and just by a quick assumption, Reno felt like he knew the small boy.

"We're playin' hide 'n seek, so shut up." The boy hissed, making Reno grin with the faintest trace of pride.

_This is gonna be interesting..._Reno decided to test upon the boy's skills.

"Yes Sir!" He replied, louder than necessary.

"Don't you know the meaning of the words 'shut up'?!" He scowled, placing his small, almost delicate hands upon Reno's mouth.

"No Sir!" A cheeky grin was forming on Reno's face.

"I'm not a Sir, Mr Lionsmane, I'm a soon-to-be Turk!"

"Well if you knew _anything_ about the Turks, you'd have realised by now that _I_ _am_ a Turk. See the uniform? And the ID card? See it? Yeah, I thought so!" Reno flashed him his EMR proudly. "Betcha don't have one of these, hey kid?"

The boy's troublesome blue eyes widened. "_Your_ a _Turk_!? _No way_, I thought I'd _never_ meet one!"

Reno checked his nails out tiredly, as if used to this kind of 'royal' treatment. "Ya probably want my autograph, hey kid?"

"Hell yeah!"

"Too bad your not gonna get it!" Reno burst into laughter.

The boy gave him a weird look. "I wasn't talking to _you_, Fireface. Geez, get it right!"

Reno gave the boy a death stare, only for it to be snorted at. _Oh, he asked for it. No one insults Reno of the Turks and gets away with it._

"Mr Reno!" The cheerful young girl's voice belonged to Marlene. After the earlier incident, Reno wasn't too sure which of the two kids he was more likely to bash up first.

"Meet my new friend, Ky. He's new to our school, but he isn't shy like most new people are. He's quite funny, actually!"

"Funny my ass..." Reno mumbled.

"Anyway, I thought I'd introduce you two! See, when I met him, the first person I thought of was you, Mr Reno. You act so similar, and you kinda look the same, too." Marlene continued, seeming rather happy with her decision.

_Two faced brat...One minute she's on your side, the next she's laughing at your misfortunes, and then after that, she brings you in for an interrogation with her new best friend. What the hell?_

Reno scanned the boy, frowning in disgrace. "He should feel shameful under the likes of me."

"Mr Reno! Be nice, please." Marlene gasped.

"Let him say what he likes, it's not like I give a damn about him anyway."

Ignoring Ky's comment, Reno began, "I take it Denzel's gone and got himself a proper girlfriend then?"

Marlene's face flushed a bright shade of pink. "No, he's just made friends with Ky's sister."

Reno cocked his head to the side, a gesture he seemed to be performing a lot lately. "And that isn't the same thing? Hang on, isn't it s'posed to be the other way 'round? The two girls friends and the two guys friends?"

Marlene's blush deepened. "Well, it _was_ like that. But then Ky and Denzel got into a fight with each other over me, and, well, Ky's sister wasn't too happy about that."

"Uh, okay...I guess I'll be going now. I've got some grown up stuff to do." Reno was getting sick of conversing with children.

"Yeah, that blonde chick who just left looked like she was rushing to get home. And you were following her like a lost chocobo..." Ky grinned, awaiting the redhead's response.

"Look, kid. If you _really_ want to join in, I aint stoppin' ya. But our 'blonde chick' on the other hand, is a different story." Reno replied, for once not failing to keep calm.

"Hmm..." The boy mumbled, not really listening. "Can I give ya my mobile number? It'd be awesome if a famous Turk had my number! Ya don't have to give me yours, though."

Feeling a sense of accomplishment at Ky's comment, Reno smirked proudly. "Can't hurt."

The boy scribbled a number on a piece of paper and handed it to Reno.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah...got it." As soon as Reno had memorised the number, he grinned, realising the prank that had been played on him. "Ah! Nice try kid, but I was the one who invented that number! If ya really want to try it out on someone, do it to Cloudy. Being the dope he is, he'll fall for it. Anyways, hi-five for trying, kid!"

Ky grinned and returned the hi-five, feeling a sense of accomplishment for attempting to pull a prank on the Ultimate Prankster of Midgar. Even if he did fail.

"Ya got me there, ya did. Here, take this as a reward." The next 'prize' was a sheet of paper, with the boy's scribbled pen ink almost filling up the page.

_'If you are smart enough to read, turn this over.' _The sheet of paper read.

"I am so smart enough to read!"Reno despised things telling him he was dumb, so he obeyed the paper and turned it over.

Marlene and Ky smothered a laugh.

_'If you are good looking, turn this over.' _

"Damn right I'm good looking!" Reno retorted, his anger growing.

The two kids were trying hard not to burst into laughter. "He's so dumb!" Marlene whispered.

"I can read better than you, retarded paper!"

"Your just jealous of my sexyness!"

"STOP TEASING ME! NOT EVERYONE CAN READ GOOD YA KNOW!!!" With that, Reno ran off in a sulk, his eyes and hair flaming with fury.

"Wow." Ky began. "He's like a two year old having a temper tantrum."

Marlene smiled knowingly. "That's Reno for you!"


	8. Saturday nights mean trouble

**Chapter 8 Saturday nights mean trouble**

Sorry it took a while to update. (Well okay, three days isn't too long, but it is for me. I have a habit of updating frequently.)

I've had a bad case of writer's block for the past few days, but it's easing away now. Yay! XD

Anyways, hope ya enjoy!

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Even the scarce number of trees were mocking her pain.

Elena had been half lying on a cold wooden bench, just outside the Shinra building, for almost an hour. She had been preoccupied trying to clean up the thousand thoughts that were filling her mind to the brink of exhaustion. And every single one of those thoughts involved Reno, which weren't all that comforting. The infuriating redhead that had caused her so much trouble and pain, somehow managed to play a huge part in her life-and her mind. Then again, a life without Reno wouldn't be quite right. Without Reno...It couldn't be that bad, could it?

Not surprisingly, as this tended to occour quite frequently lately, Elena's PHS began to ring, interrupting her haze of scattered thoughts.

Sighing, she sat up from her resting position and answered the call. "Hello, this is Elena from the-"

"Elena, can I please get you to come to my apartment? I would like to discuss something, and I would rather do it in private." Tseng.

"Immediantly." He added.

She felt a churning, nauseating feeling fill her stomach. "Right away, Sir."

_What this time?_ Elena wondered, sarcasm rich within each word. _Did Reno leave a note 'from Elena' saying I'd like to stay the night? Or did he fill his fridge with empty coffee cups? Stop thinking about him!!!_

Elena headed for her car, and couldn't help but curse herself for not giving Reno the payback he deserved.

__________________________________

_Hmm...I wonder if Elena's opened up her pencilcase yet? Meh, obviously not. Or I would have heard her scream by now._

After the earlier scene with Marlene and Ky, Reno had given up on his chase for Elena and had decided to go home and take a nap. Oddly enough, Reno couldn't fall asleep. His thoughts were like muddled puzzle pieces. One was of Elena, the other of the 'Talking Toy', another of the two brat friends, and a final one of pizza.

Instead of sleeping, he played around with his PHS, taking photos of random objects.

_Hey! That crushed beer can reminds me of 'Laney's nose when I offer her a can of beer! _Reno realised, using his fine observing skills to take a photo of it. _Gotta show her that one._

There was a sudden knock on Reno's bedroom door. "Reno!"

"Is better than you!" Came Reno's sharp retort.

The door swung open, and Rude emerged, looking rather irritated.

"What's _your_ problem?" Reno asked, slamming his PHS on the empty space next to him.

"Tseng told me to tell you two things." The bald man sounded almost puffed, unusual for a Turk. "First of all, his mother found out that you were arranged to be her guide, so she cancelled the trip. And secondly, don't expect to get a paycheck this week." Rude replied, seemingly amused by idea.

Reno's attitude matched his hair as he threw his nearby PHS at the wall. "Dumbass piece of $!%! Why do I even work for that asshole?"

Rude just stared in reply, his usual raised eyebrow taking place on his face.

"And he's even lazy enough to not bother callin' me!" Reno added.

Rude cleared his throat awkwardly. "Apparently he tried ringing seven times, and then got Elena to ring twice."

Reno's face eased as he put on his signature Reno grin. "Ah. Was wondering why I could hear people makin' out next door for half an hour straight."

Rude's eyes widened in disgust. "You set your ringtone to..."

"Well, you know. Gotta liven up this place _somehow_. 'Specially with 'Lena 'round. She makes this place feel like a military camp."

Rude continued to stare.

"Aw, come on, partner! Where'd your sense of humour run off to? Did Sephiroth kill it?"

Rude yawned. "Probably. I'm just no match for you though, Reno."

Reno's face filled with pride as he recognized the fact that he was the clown of Shinra. "Got that right. But don't feel intimidated! You sure as hell aren't the only one. Now, ya gonna hang here or somethin'? I can order a pizza!"

Reno's face lit up as he mentioned pizza, and Rude knew that it was going to be the only food on the menu tonight.

"Got nothing better to do, I guess." Rude replied, giving in to Reno already. He wasn't in the mood for an argument at the moment.

"Pizza it is. To celebrate me resigning from the Turks!"

Rude gasped, and almost stumbled. "Resigning?"

Then came Reno's all too readable grin. "Nope. Kidding!"

__________________________________________

"Cherries...Ice-cream...Bottle of water..." Tseng read the items that were now on his bench. "Elena, I didn't ask for any of this! And what the _hell_ possesed you to buy wholegrain bread!?"

Elena's face was as red as the bag of cherries Tseng was holding. "If you read the shopping list, you'll see what happened."

Tseng stared at her in disbelief, as if she had transformed into the dumbest creature in the planet right before his eyes. Reluctantly, he took the notepad that Elena was offering and scanned it quickly, before looking back up at Elena in disgrace.

"Is this some sort of game?" He asked, looking at his wits end, which made Elena cringe all the more.

"No, Sir. I think Reno did it."

The raven haired man sighed, exasperated."You of all people should know Reno's handwriting when you see it! This is Rude's writing!"

Elena went from red to white in an instant. "B-but why would Rude do that?"

Tseng was looking very impatient now. "Because, Elena, I told him to rewrite the list of items that we would have needed for the dinner party tonight."

Elena felt sick. _How could I have been so stupid, to have not even worked _that _out?!_

"Dinner party?" She asked wearily.

Tseng had given up on his endless rage and had become unnaturally silent. Elena had many questions she felt implied to ask, but she knew from the state he was in now, that if she valued her job and her reputation, she would get as far away from Tseng's apartment as possible, and _stay_ away. Without a single word.

Elena began to back up, before rushing to the door as if on the run from a murderer. "I-I'll see you tomorrow, Sir!"

Her above average pulse rate dropped dramatically as she felt the refreshing chill of the night air envelop her. _Hell, that was like a living nightmare! _She smiled playfully as she realised, that it was also a living dream.

___________________________________________

The sight wasn't a pretty one. Two men, one shirtless and hanging off the edge of a sofa, the other one laying unconscious on the carpet. Empty beer cans surrounding them. Patches of carpet stained with the dark liquid. Television at maximum volume, with Playboy on the screen. At least six pizza boxes laying in several places in the lounge-room. Vomit on the carpet, on the sofa, in the fishtank, and in several other places. And a few other notable things lying here and there.

Neither of the Turks could remember how or what had happened, and that was probably a good thing. Rude very rarely had more than two beers in a night, so in this instance, he was clueless and ashamed, especially with the fact that he couldn't even remember his own last name. At least, not until Reno reminded him.

Rude found it incredible how Reno could consume so much more alcohol than the average man and stay on his feet for so long. He found it even more miraculous that Reno maintained the ability to remember significant information, despite having lost an immeasurable amount of brain cells.

Yet of course, the consequences always hit him hard and fast the morning afterwards. He may have the ability to stay sober for a longer period of time than that of a 'normal' person, but his hangovers were always much more severe.

Groaning, Reno changed positions on the sofa and tumbled off onto the booze soaked carpet, bumping Rude's arm. "Ohh...My head...'Lena..."

Rude stirred in his unconscious state. "Damn right..." He mumbled.

Reno blinked a few times, seeing doubles-no, make that triples, as he surveyed his surroundings as if they were a hazy dream. "Spinning...Nngh."

Slowly and not too surely, Reno sat up and leant against the wall of the sofa. "Damn...These hangovers just keep gettin' worse! Sooner or later I'll end up in a hospital bed...Pfft. That's something 'Lena would say. I'm turning sissy. And talkin' to myself." Clutching his head, and looking around at the untidy state his apartment was in-although, it never was very clean to begin with-Reno muttered, "Woah, I musta lost a lotta brain cells this time..."

Suddenly, Reno heard the sound of footsteps headed towards him. "Reno, I-"

Reno recognized Elena's girly screech as if it were the only sound in the world. He'd never been so happy to hear that noise before.

"Reno, what the hell have you-RUDE!!!???" There was a thud and a long silence.

Reno grinned and attempted to stand, but failing each time. _She shoulda seen it comin'._

Finally, Reno managed to reach Elena's collapsed body, and he leant over her, his vision slowly returning to normal. "'Lena..."

Elena's eyes fluttered open partly, her face creased in confusion. She frowned as she breathed in Reno's alcoholic emissions.

"Oh." Reno mumbled, and popped a mint from out of knowhere in his mouth. "Better?"

"Huh..." Elena looked up at the topless redhead leaning over her. It wasn't a comforting sight to see after awakening. "Aah! Reno, get the hell off me, you jerk!!!"

Reno cocked his head to the side, knowing how much Elena couldn't resist. "I was only over you 'cause ya fainted."

Elena abruptly sat up, her hand on her forehead. "What happened..."

She stopped herself as she once again saw the horrors right in front of her face. She almost couldn't believe it. "Oh my gosh...Reno, what did you do?"

"What's it look like to ya?" Reno replied cooly, grinning as he noticed Elena checking out his muscles.

"Hot...NO!!! I mean...Terrible! Just, horrid, Reno! How could you do this!?" Elena's face had never been so flushed.

Suddenly, she noticed Rude's hulking figure arise from the dead. "It was all me..."


	9. Dreams and Aspirations

**Chapter 9 Dreams and Aspirations**

Just to let you know, I don't own Pokemon or anything to do with it (And don't ask why Pokemon exists in Midgar, it just does.).

Same goes for Final Fantasy. After all, if I did own it, there would already be a remake of FF7.

Oh, and, raise your hand if your a Pokemon fan, and not afraid to admit it! *hand straight in the air*

Okay, anyways, I've said enough. Enjoy this chapter! XD (well, it's more of a sub-chapter, if that even exists.)_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Reno and Elena sat in their rather awkward position, staring in horror at the almost zombie looking mass looming over them.

"R-Rude?" Elena winced. The sight of a drunken Rude was at least ten times worse than a drunken Reno. Unless, of course, that Reno happened to be stripping on a bar stool. Not that Rude was drunk anymore-or so Elena hoped.

Rude stuttered towards the nearest seat, barely managing to stand. "W-Woah. Uh, just gimme a minute."

Elena and Reno's eyes followed Rude's staggering form in utter disbelief. From Elena's point of view, at least. Reno was just gawking, looking quite prepared to start into a fit of laughter.

"You okay there, bud'?" Reno asked, a little nervous about talking to the man he had made drunk against his will.

Rude shot him a death stare, leaving Reno wishing that Rude had been wearing his sunglasses at that moment in time. "Heh."

Elena stood, rather shakily. "Y-You know what? I think I came at a bad time. I can come back later...Perhaps when this place is..._a little _cleaner?"

Reno nodded, where as Rude shook his head. "Just, know...It wasn't Reno's fault, for once."

Elena raised an eyebrow in mock humour. "Aha. That's interesting. I'll be leaving now..."

"Oh, actually, wait 'Lena!" Reno began, grabbing her by the hand.

Elena turned to face the half naked redhead. "Could you at least get a shirt on, _before_ you talk to me?"

Reno grumbled something incomprehensible and pulled on the closest shirt, which just happened to be Rude's vomit stained Turk's blouse.

Elena wreathed in disgust. "Ugh, Reno! How can you wear that thing?! That's just foul!"

Reno grinned. "Better than no shirt at all though, am I right?"

_Nah, you like him better that way. _Valerie the not-so-wise was back.

"Yes, Reno." Elena replied through gritted teeth. "Your absolutely right. Now, what was it that you were going to tell me?"

Reno flashed her his trademark grin. "Not _tell_ you, _show_ you."

Elena moaned. "Reno, if it's another one of your new limited edition Pokemon cards, I'm leaving."

The sad truth was, Reno was a Pokemon Nerd. He had been collecting them since the age of 5, and now had the complete collection-in a limited edition carry case. If there was such thing as the Planet's Biggest Pokemon fan, that person would be Reno. There was literally _nothing_ he didn't know about it.

"Not this time, 'Laney. I've got a photo to show you. I think I've unleashed my secret talent! And now there's to be no stopping Reno of the Turks!"

Elena sighed. _Oh the joys of life. Now I'm going to have Reno running around my office taking snapshots of my stationary. Or...I could persuade him to go into Cid's room on a Friday night and take some pictures of...Ahem._

"Have you ever had a _real_ dream or aspiration before, Reno?" Elena asked.

"Hmm...Lemme see...Ah, yes! To make out with a girl in a Rollercoaster Simulation ride!" Reno replied, an ecstatic look on his face.

Elena rolled her eyes, however, she was slightly curious..."And, have you ever achieved that goal?"

Reno's pleasure faded. "No...Every girl I tried to take advantage of pressed the emergency stop button and ran like hell outta there."

Elena snorted. "Bravo, Reno, bravo..."

Trying to change the subject, Reno continued with his first speech.

"Anyways, see!? How awesome is this photo!? It looks just like you when I put a can of beer under your nose!" Reno was giggling like mad, holding out the photo of a crushed beer can on his PHS.

"Oh, ha ha, very funny Reno." Elena knocked his PHS to the ground, her face flushed with anger.

"I know, hey!? I should audition to be a comedian on that late night talk show!" Reno retorted, retrieving the fallen item.

Rude was the unconscious guy in the distance, his mouth hung open, drool hanging off the side. It was hard to believe that this was actually the same guy who had kicked the ass of one of the greatest villains on the planet-Loz. Or at least, _part_ of one of the greatest villains.

Oblivious to the bald man, Elena began to have an innocent chat with her friend the redhead. "If you think your gonna make money taking photos of beer cans, you may as well give up and go live in the sewers where you belong! You'd make more money cleaning up the rat crap down there!"

Reno glared at her with his furious aquamarine eyes. "What are you trying to do!? Crush my dreams and aspirations!? Well that's real nice of you, 'Lena! How would you like it if I told you you were the biggest failure the Turks have ever had to deal with?!"

Elena slapped him hard, feeling a tear form in the corner of her eye. "How dare you say that, you moron!!! Go get a girlfriend!"

_Is that what they think of me? A failure? A self obsessed know-it-all that cowers at the simplest of duties? _Elena had never felt so much hate towards Reno than she had at that moment. _No!!! That bastard can say whatever the heck he likes, it doesn't mean anything!_

_But he's a trained Turk. He's been in the industry far longer than you, Elena. Admit it, he's right. Your just a failure. _Valerie wasn't helping, instead brewing up a battle between herself.

_I'm just a...No, I'm not!_

"I hate you, Reno." Elena whispered below her breath. And with that, she walked out of his apartment.

"What the-? Elena, your takin' this way too far! I meant it as a joke!" It was a waste of breath. Elena had left, and Reno was left standing there, awe-struck, amongst a mound of beer cans.

_There's something more serious behind this...I know it. But really, how did that just happen so fast?_

___________________________________

_Damn. I lost my temper again, and for no good reason. Why do I keep doing that!? _Elena was getting frustrated with herself. Time after time, she got infuriated with Reno, and acted out of line, something a Turk should never do. But she couldn't help it. Reno never failed to find a way to annoy her, every moment of every day.

_Why can't I just keep my mouth shut?_

At times like this, Elena wished that she had Chocoball sitting on her lap for comfort. Once again, that was Reno's fault too.

_It all comes back down to Reno. _

He was her only company.

_Damn you, Reno._

"Knock knock." The all too familiar voice began.

Elena really wasn't in the mood. "Get lost."

Already leaning on the front doorframe, Reno retorted, "Sorry, didn't quite catch that."

Elena threw one of the pillows on the sofa next to her at Reno. "Get. Lost."

"Can't. I know where I am. At least...I think I do."

Giving up, Elena shifted her body towards the other side of the room. Not surprisingly, she felt the sofa move inwards as Reno sat next to her.

What was surprising made her blood run cold, yet her cheeks turn red. Reno was running his cool, long fingers through her short mass of ruffled blonde hair.

"Elena..." Reno's hand was slapped away.

"Don't even think about it, Reno."

"I wasn't. I just wanted to say...I'm sorry if I offended you. I really had no intentions of hurting you..."

Elena didn't know if she should believe the redheads words, but he sounded sincere enough. For Reno, at least.

"...And..." Reno hesitated, awkwardly shifting positions on the sofa. "...I think you make a great Turk. Uh, um...For a chick."

Elena was incredibly shocked, yet she managed to smile. For Reno, that was one of the sweetest and kindest things he would ever be capable of saying.

"Thanks, Reno. I just hope to god that you mean it." Elena actually scared herself as she kissed Reno on the cheek, right below his crescent tattoo.

Reno seemed to be thinking the same way. His aquamarine jewels widened and his skin turned pale. Slowly, a grin formed on his face. "Elena...? Actually...No way!!! I rule!!!"

_Did I just do that!!?? Hell, what has this world come to!? _Elena felt sick as she realised what she had just done. However, a part of her was almost...Proud. And that moment had felt perfect, almost meant-to-be. Maybe someday, that moment might just happen again.

But that was one helluva maybe.

**The End **

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Just kidding!

Hehe, did I scare you? There's waaaay too much more to explain and waaaay too many more things to be dealt with for it to finish here. This _will_ be continued in Chapter 10. And 11...and 12...etc.

Yup, this was super short, sorry about that. Chapter 10 will be super long though! XD yay!


	10. How to spend a Sunday afternoon

**Chapter 10 How to spend a Sunday afternoon**

Yahoo! My story has reached double digits! XD

Hope you enjoy the extra length put up here to celebrate the 10th chapter! It took awhile (assignments, animania, etc...), so I hope it was worth the wait. Okies, enough chit chat, let's get this party started!

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_A simple kiss on the cheek doesn't mean anything, right? _Elena attempted to convince her troubled mind. She had expected kissing Reno to take a lot of effort, yet somehow she had managed to do it without so much as thinking. Now, as a result, she felt like she had made the worst mistake of her life.

After Reno had...'calmed down' over Elena's kiss, he brewed up the courage to tell her why he had come. Apart from his overly sincere apology, of course.

"Uh...'Lena?"

"Mmm?" Elena's eyes didn't quite meet his, though he didn't blame her after doing what _she_ just did.

"I wanted to ask you, why you've been actin' so upset lately. And I don't think it's just 'cause it's _that time of month..._"

Elena went bright red. "And how would you know that!?"

Reno followed suit. "Doesn't matter. Anyways, answer the question."

"I...don't know." Elena knew her answer was pathetic, but she really couldn't come up with anything better to say.

Reno sighed, tapping his fingers on the armrest. "'Lena, ya don't actually think I believe that, do you?"

"Well...no, but..." Elena trailed off, looking at Reno expectantly.

Instead, he edged her on. "Keep going..."

Elena hung her head to the ground and sighed. Reno questioning her wasn't comforting at all, especially when she felt this way.

"It's because..." She left the unfinished reply hanging in the air.

After a minute had passed, Reno decided to help the girl out. She didn't look like she was ready to say anything at that point. "Would you like me to answer that for you?"

Elena looked up at him questioningly, not knowing how to answer. "Uh..."

"It's because of me. No, I'm not trying to sound all stuck-up and important, but it's true, aint it?" Reno's gaze had taken firm hold of the the woman's brown eyes, and she found herself awkwardly unable to look away. "You don't have to feel scared to show your emotions every once in a while. You might be a Turk, but your still...you, I guess. Damn, I'm no good at this stuff.

"Look, 'Lena. All I'm sayin' is that you don't have to be ashamed of your emotions. Just...don't let all this stuff get in the way of your life as a Turk, and you'll be fine."

There was a long silence as Elena comprehended what he was telling her. It was like he was showing her the other side of him, a side not many others ever saw.

Finally, Elena replied, a soft smile on her face. "Guess your right, Reno the Psychologist. It's you I can't stop thinking about...and, a part of it's Tseng, too. It's just...you both always find the right place to frustrate me, whether you mean it or not. I know I'm still the new girl, and I might never truly fit in, but..."

Reno had to interrupt. "Uh, 'Lena? Newsflash! You've fitted into our neat little group since the day you joined. You don't have to worry 'bout that, 'kay?"

Elena paused, before nodding. _Having a full on conversation like this with Reno is...just plain weird. I didn't think a side like this even existed!_

"I don't really think there's such a big of a problem here...I'm just getting frustrated. Could you just try to be a _little_ less irritating? And stop making stupid jokes?"

Reno smirked. "I could maybe give the first one a go, but not sure if I could say the same for the latter."

He poked his tongue out, and added, "Anything else?"

Well, what did she expect from Reno? For him to just give up being his usual annoying self because she wasn't being oh so happy lately? No, this was the way of the Turks. She had to deal with it.

"One question. Do you know if Tseng has a girlfriend?"

Reno stared at her blankly, as if he thought he had heard incorrectly. "No. I don't exactly stalk him, _'Lena_."

Elena blushed. "I don't stalk him!"

Reno burst into sudden laughter. "Well you must then, 'cause I didn't even say you did! You just assumed it."

Elena was determined not to lose. Within the moment, Reno was back to his usual self. No surprise there. "You implied it!"

"How did I?" His eyebrow was raised, and he had a knowledgable grin on his face, as if knowing this was to happen all along.

"You...you put emphasis on my name!"

"And that changes something...?"

"Yes, it does!"

"What?"

"I...can't explain it."

Reno smirked, a smug expression on his face. He had won, again, and Elena knew that all too well.

"Damn you Reno. Didn't you listen to a word you just said back then?"

"Well, yeah, I listened, but I didn't say I comprehended."

Elena sighed. "Reasons like these are why I get upset, just so you know."

Reno shrugged in reply. "Yeah, I know. Get used to it. 'Cause I aint about to change!"

Elena opened her mouth to speak, but Reno beat her to it. "Oh, and one more thing...Uh, never mind."

Her eyes flashed with curiosity as she slammed her hand down beside her. "Tell me. You've got me curious."

Reno was looking rather pleased with himself as he pet her hand quickly. He seemed to be looking at his PHS, and there was a cheeky grin playing on his face. "Yeah, that _was_ the point. I'll, uh, tell ya later. Gotta go!"

With that, Reno had bolted up and was already halfway out the door. "Thanks for the chat, 'Lena!"

Elena frowned. Something didn't feel right...In fact, something felt...missing.

"Hey...wait a minute! Reno, give me back my wallet!"

Reno turned mid-step to face the irritated Turk. As usual, he had his grin plastered all over his face. "I might be a kidnapper, a murderer, and maybe even a womanizer, but I aint no thief, honey."

And with an all-knowing wink and tap on the nose, Reno left the building.

_Ugh...did that conversation just now have _any_ purpose? _Any_? And no, 'Valerie the Wise', don't even start me._

_Alright. _Valerie just so happened to add.

Sighing, Elena headed over to the front door to close it. Reno seemed to have something against shutting doors. As she stood next to it, she noticed that her wallet was left on the shelf next to the door, and sticking out from it was a note on a note. It read, 'Go have some fun'. 1500 gil.

_Not bad, not bad at all. _Elena was genuinely surprised, although she was sure that when a guy pulled a stunt like that, it meant he was up to something. And, it wasn't everyday Reno of the Turks gave out free gil, so it couldn't be something average. Then again, it wasn't everyday Elena of the Turks gave out free kisses.

___________________________________

Rude attempted to stand up from his awkward position on the sofa. When he had managed to stand enough to even _call_ it standing, the first thing he did was groan. For he knew, today was going to be a day spent in bed, trying to recover from his all too painful hangover-and to come up with a plan for getting his revenge on Reno.

_Squark._

___________________________________

_Somewhere in an old abandoned weapons room..._

The raven haired man turned towards his boss, a look of admiration, horror, and fascination settling on his face after the feat he just witnessed. "That was brilliant, Sir! This time, may_ I _do it with you instead?"

The now frazzled President looked down at his overly keen employee in a stunned gaze, which quickly turned into a sly smile. "It would be my pleasure. You look like you've had lots of practice..."

Rufus remembered the young, energetic girl that was by his side. "Well, I must thank you for introducing me to this...'world of fun'. I never thought something so harmfully addictive could be so...how do I put it? Passionately enjoyable. But for now, you must go."

Cheerfully, he added, "And don't forget your clothes!"

The dark brown haired girl smiled and nodded. "Your welcome! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!"

The President's eyes darkened mischeviously. "Oh I did. I did...Uh, ahem. Come back any time!"

Tseng watched the sixteen year old leave, before looking up at the slightly older man with a playful grin-almost resembling that of a _six_ year old. "I've waited so long!"

____________________________________

_Ohh...c'mon...c'mon...I'm missin' out on all the action here... _Reno looked ready to pee as he hurriedly made his way towards the Shinra building. _Hurry the hell up, damned feet! Can't you things go any faster!?_

Reno was determined to get to the scene on time. Tseng, Rufus, and himself were due to be at the abandoned weapons room at 11:30 am, leaving him with 3 minutes before the fun began.

Bolting through the entrance and towards the elevator doors that had just opened, Reno avoided the strange looks and odd stares that most of the workers were giving him. They were used to Reno being around, after having him in the Turks for the past few years, however some of the newer members were still trying to get used to the annoying, hyperactive redhead and his behaviours.

Luckily-or not so luckily, for the poor people in the elevator, Reno managed to slip through the closing doors without so much as a scratch.

Brushing himself off, Reno looked up at the overly terrified group of people that stood before him. "Hi. The name's Reno."

He flashed them his most charming grin, and suppressed a laugh as he watched them shift uncomfortably in their positions. One of them-a short, stocky man-was brave enough to reply.

"Ah yes, the obnoxious redhead. Who _doesn't_ know you? Reno of the Turks. Well known across Midgar for filling supermarket trolleys with food and ditching them once the front of the queue is reached. Amongst many other idiodic prank-"

"_Excuse me_ for havin' fun! There's no rule that says ya gotta _buy_ the food after ya grab it, is there? No! Exactly!" Reno's face reached the colour of his hair, the anger spreading from head to toe. "Owned! Now go back home to your mama, and tell her _Reno of the Turks_ had a little chat with-"

Reno noticed the ID card on the man a little too late. He didn't see much, except for the fact that it said Head, and department. Those two words alone struck a silent fear in his heart.

"Uh, hehe...erm...I was...practicing...for, uh...drama classes? Crap. Oh, would ya look at that! It's my stop...Well. It's been nice talkin' to ya's. So long!"

Reno exited the elevator at level 45, despite knowing the weapons room was on level 63.

The man seemed to notice the stop he was getting off at, and couldn't help but protest. "The Turks' level is quite a few levels higher, if I remember correctly."

"Who said I was gettin' off there?" Came the now distant reply of Reno, which barely made it past the sound of the doors closing.

_____________________________________

"Yes, yes, YES!!! Oh, you rock my world, Sir!" Tseng's excitement was horrifying to the average human ear. "Just a little more...To the left-NO, the right!!!"

"I'm trying as hard as I can, Tseng." Rufus' voice was strong and focused, as usual, despite being applied to a different context.

Interrupting their play, the barred metal door which lead to the halls outside began to thud loudly, before finally giving way, revealing a small steel crowbar in the hands of an all too cheerful redhead. His glittering aquamarine eyes were dancing playfully as he observed the sight before him.

"Reno has entered the building."

______________________________________

Elena paced across the loungeroom anxiously, yet she had no idea why. Perhaps it was the fact that she knew Rude was in Reno's apartment, alone with a terrible hangover. Or perhaps it was the fact that Reno had left abruptly, leaving over 1000 gil with her, for no apparent reason. Really, she didn't know if she could trust these Turks...for all she knew, her partners could be at a casino on the other side of Midgar. Or trolley riding in the local supermarket. She hated to think the troubles they got into, day to day. Especially due to the fact that whatever the other Turks did, it affected her reputation too. Did they ever realise that, or did they just not care?

_Well, I suppose I had better go and sort them out..._

Valerie was quick to reply. _Yes, you should. Who knows, they could be having a threesome right now, behind your back. _

_What the hell!? What possessed you to think like that, Miss-oh-so-wise? _Elena couldn't help but question her irritatingly accurate conscience.

_You. _She could feel the nonchalant mental shrug, which made her want to _mentally_ punch her.

_That's it. I'm going to see the psychiatrist, to fix you up._ She knew all too well Valerie's worst fear.

_Alright, alright, I'll behave!!!_

Elena replied with a satisfied smirk. _I thought so._

And with her last thoughts, she gathered her handbag and headed for the car.

_____________________________________

One eye open. The other eye shut. Both shut. Both open. And then there was...Irritating pain?

"What _is _that?" The bald headed man mumbled, uncertain whether he were dreaming or not.

Perched on Rude's chest with its sharp talons digging into him, was a colourful bird. It's wide, blue-green eyes were staring curiously from a cocked to the side head at the man it was looming over, in search of something.

"Squark!" The bird could talk. "More food!"

Rude groaned and slumped heavily back down on the vomit stained floor he was lying on. He had a bad hangover, and the last thing he needed was an infuriatingly talkative and starving animal by his side. Or, more accurately,_ on_ his side.

"SQUAARK!!! MORE FOOD!!!" This bird wasn't about to give up. Funny, that was strangely familiar...

"Piss off. Find your own food." Rude obviously didn't know this animal very well, and he wasn't exactly starting their 'relationship' in the best way possible either, especially considering the fact that this bird could communicate and understand English.

The rainbow bird swiped its long, sharp talons on his chest, squalking furiously. "FOOD!!! GIVE ME FOOD, FAT ASS!!!"

_Aha. It must be Reno's bird._ Rude summarised. _He trained it well._

"Okay, I'll give you some food..." Under his breath, foolishly, he added, "Stupid bird."

"SQUAAAARK!!!! SHUT YA MOUTH, BALDIE!!!! FOOD!!!!"

Slowly and painfully, Rude stood up and headed for the kitchen-wherever that was. He wasn't even aware of the room he was in, let alone the room he was headed for.

"Reno...Oh, Reno...I pity you. You are gonna pay for this _so _bad..."

______________________________________

The blonde haired Turk approached the service desk, faking a smile. "Ahem. Excuse me? I was wondering if you know where the Turks are at the moment?"

The brown haired, young man behind the desk looked up from his pile of paperwork and returned the smile. "Elena. Let me just check for you."

He began typing on his computer, a frown of concentration settling on his face. Despite his young age, Elena could tell that the man was very serious about his job. Like most newcomers, being apart of Shinra was the main focus of his life. After all, a job at Shinra Inc was never easy to attain, and once reached, was a position to be treated with great respect.

"According to the security cameras, a redhead-most likely Reno-was seen walking into the abandoned weapons room, level 63, after several other people...Identified as Tseng, Yuffie, and President Rufus Shinra." The man looked up, almost shyly. "I hope I was of some help."

Elena's face darkened. "Yes, you were of great help. Thank you."

_Just what do you think you're up to, Reno of the Turks?_

Ding.

Taking a deep breath, Elena stepped out of the elevator and walked swiftly towards the weapons room, her head held high, despite the fact that she could be dealing with serious buisness in any moment. Panicking, she knew, was the quickest route to failure.

She turned a corner, a nauseating feeling filling the pit of her stomach each time she did so. Each corner was closer to the room than the next, she knew. And any of those corners could be her last.

Then it came. A freshly dented door, with words clearly stating that it was a weapons room.

_Here goes..._

Just before she reached out to grasp the handle, a subtle noise stopped her.

"Rufus!!! Rufus is the word, baby!!!" The all too familiar male's voice made her heart lurch. Reno...

"Just a little more..." The voice was just as familiar.

_No! Not Rufus...God, please, don't let it be what I think it is..._The sheer thought made Elena feel as sick as a dog.

"As your superior, Reno, I demand that you move over! There's no room for me!!!" Tseng.

And with those few words, Elena passed out.


	11. Best day of the year

**Chapter 11 Best Day of the Year**

Sucky chapter names, I know...Hopefully the chapter itself isn't as bad! ;)

Enjoy!

____________________________________________________________________________________

"...'Lena? Ohh, _'Lena_?" Who else but Reno?

"Shut!" Came Elena's tired mumble.

There was a snort. "Shut? Shut what, 'Lena?"

Naturally, the first thing she heard from awakening was the sound of _his_ irritating voice. But, wait...Awakening from _what_?

"Eeek!" Elena bolted upright, her heart pounding a mile a minute. "You, he, and you, and then...Oh crap-"

Reno placed his surprisingly sturdy hands underneath her body to prevent her from fainting again. "Ah ah ah, no more fainting, 'Lena."

Going pale, Elena slapped the redhead's hands away. "Don't touch me with those corrupted paws of yours!!! Your disgusting!"

He beamed at her. "What'd I do this time?"

Elena's fierce brown eyes snapped into his gaze. "Don't act all innocent on me! You know perfectly well what you were doing in that room!"

Surprisingly, the following chortle of laughter came from Tseng, resulting in several stares from each of the Turks. "What?"

"You were...'Kissing', in more polite terms..." Elena continued, turning red and wondering if she really should be discussing this with her superiors.

Reno sighed and ruffled his fiery red mane. "Ya caught me out, 'Lena. I don't know how you knew, but I got a good excuse. It was only once, and only on the cheek. And only when Rufus used the Double Smash on Tseng's stupid elf chick and whooped her fat ass...Literally, hehe."

Elena wasn't sure if she turned red, green, white, or any other colours of the rainbow. Not that it mattered-she felt all the same, nauseous. She should have known, of course, especially being a Turk."You were...Playing a game?"

Rufus shifted uncomfortably in his standing position. "Childish, I know...But, really, we had to let our inner cihld run wild at some point."

Reno nodded. "It was tryin' to escape. Wait a second..."

Reno began to giggle uncontrollably as he realised what Elena was implying. "Yo-You thought we were...We were..."

The crazed laughing wouldn't stop. "Dirty minded child!!! Ahahahaha!"

Everything up to the tips of Elena's ears went bright red with embarrassment. Perhaps it would have been wiser to research into the situation before judging it so critically. Now even Tseng and Rufus were stifling a laugh and concealing a smile.

Determined not to look any more foolish-although really, that was near to impossible now-Elena went on. "What game were you playing? And why was Yuffie here?"

Rufus answered then, after clearing his throat. "Yuffie was caught in a water gun fight with Cid, and got soaking wet. For some unknown reason, she ran up to my office and just...let herself in. Then I gave her some dry clothes and asked her what was going on...And somehow, in the end, it led to her introducing me to this game. Fantasy Dance Pro Version 2.0. Not a bad game, actually. Shame it was only 2 player. Would you...Like a turn? It's alarmingly addictive, though, let me warn you."

Elena was staring blankly now, as if they were all a bunch of high-on-sugar school children. "No, thank you Sir."

Rufus shrugged nonchalantly. "Your loss."

Turning towards Tseng and Reno, Rufus suggested, "Boys? To Seventh Heaven, my treat!"

As expected, Reno's aquamarine eyes lit up cheerfully at the mention of Tifa's bar. "Whoop! Yeah! I call dibs on Tifa!"

The 'Turks' exited the corridor and began to make their way to the carpark, leaving Elena alone again-not the first time that day. "Must be a guy thing." She mumbled, shaking her head and making her way down the staircase-she could use the extra time to be alone with her thoughts.

____________________________________________

Staring blankly into the junk filled cupboard, Rude attempted to search for something a rather obese bird would eat.

Trying his luck, he asked it (unsure of its gender), "Uh, you like bread?"

"I $#^ on bread! SQUAARK!!!" Came the creature's impatient reply.

"Suit yourself you bad beaked pile of..." He mumbled to himself as he threw the contents of the cupboard onto the ground. "Hope Reno likes cleaning..."

"Squark." The colourful bird flew into the loungeroom and underneath the sofa. It looked like it was about to pop. "I want chips."

"And I care...?" The very next moment, a bag of chips whacked into Rude's threateningly darkening face.

"Squark. Yes you do. Squark!" The now very-close-to-getting-murdered bird was beginning to fly circles around Rude's bald head.

"One more word, and I'll-"

"One more word." The bird had perched on top of his head and was now looking down inquisitively at the bald man, who swore he could see Reno's grin forming on its beak.

_This must be Reno in disguise._ Rude decided with a quick nod.

"Eat your chips. And...Do you like to swim?" He asked, a plan being concocted in his bald little head of his.

"SWIM???!!! NO!!!! SQUAAARK!!!" The bird began to claw at Rude's head, who was now ditching any logical plans and patience and instead going for the simple tactic of fighting. He pulled his gun out-fists were going to be of no help in this fight, and aimed it at the bird's bright red feathered skull.

"Damned vermin!" Rude muttered his battle cry as he shot a bullet at the flying creature, missing its target by less than a centimetre.

This only sent it into a rage, causing it to shoot down the man's stained white shirt, scratching and clawing all the more at his back.

"Ouch! You son of a redheaded bitch!!!" Rude cursed, grabbing the plump murderist that was inside his shirt, before hurling it across the room.

Realising it was headed for the vomit contaminated fish tank, the bird let out its now signature 'Squark', and flew upwards mere millimetres from the rim of it. Satisfied, the rather dumb bird slumped onto his master's soaked sofa, unaware that a pistol was being aimed at its head once again.

_I don't give a damn if I'm about to kill Reno's stupid pet. In fact, I'm doing it a favour by killing it quickly before it dies from obesity and disease in this hell-hole. _Rude was satisfied with his theory, so he pulled the trigger and...

The front door opened rather casually-Rude was half expecting the newcomer to shout out "Honey, I'm home!". Instead, a familiar redhead was headed for the loungeroom, a forlorn expression on his face, and a mop in his hand.

_It must be spring cleaning today._ Rude thought sarcastically, the pistol still in his hand-realising it a little too late.

Reno saw the gun and was quick to react."NO!!! DON'T DO IT!!!"

He dropped his mop, dived towards Rude like a cricketer, and knocked the weapon from his grasp, panting heavily.

Rude remained in his same position, looking at Reno with a dumbfound expression on his face. Since when did Reno care so much for a bird?

"Since when do you...gasp, wheeze...kill a person's pet with...gasp, wheeze...out their permission?" Reno was still in a state of shock-now all he needed to do was fall to the ground unconscious and the situation would be a perfect escape route for Rude.

With a knock to the head using Rude's trusty fist, Reno collapsed onto the kitchen floor, and the last thing he saw was a blurred image of legs running past.

_________________________________

Slumping down onto her soft, cozy queen sized bed, Elena let out a sigh. Whether it was a sigh of relief or a sigh of discontempt, she was unsure. All she could think of for now was getting some rest before the next week of hell-aka work-began.

Her eyelids began to flutter, no longer focusing on anything anymore, but the eternal, comforting peace that was just out of reach. The feeling came closer, until finally, she drifted off to her perfect sanctuary of slumber-the only place she ever felt safe.

Was that a magical unicorn she saw, soaring above her head? Or a field full of butterflies of which she was now standing on? Oh, such happy dreams...

Then the nightmare began. Her field of vision turned red, a picture perfect colour scope before her eyes. The red blended with strange swirls that were now forming, and together they became flickering flames that were becoming greater and greater by the second.

She could have sworn she saw Reno in those flames...

...Was that...The chocobo theme song she heard?

Moaning and covering her head with her feather soft pillow, Elena attempted to block out the painful, torturously cheerful music that was entering her body. Surely, that wasn't her PHS ringing...

After three attempted rings, Elena finally managed to gather up the will power to reach for her PHS on her bedside table.

"Hello?" She mumbled.

"Hello! Is your refrigerator running?" I wonder who?

Beep.

Five attempted rings later...

"Greetings, hero! You have been called upon by Count-"

Beep.

Ten attempted rings later...

"Can I speak to Amanda Huggenkiss?" He had the most cheesiest, most corniest jokes that had ever been-and should never have been-created.

Beep.

One ring later...

"He-"

"Shut the hell up right now before I hunt you down and-"

"Elena?" That wasn't Reno...

Going pale, Elena stammered, "Oh! Tseng, Sir! Yes...Sir?"

"Look, I don't know what you're on about, but I need you to come into work now, please. Is there any particular reason you are an hour late?"

"An hour, Sir? It's only 7am." Elena replied, frowning as she peered over at the clock on her wall to make sure the time was correct.

"It's 8. Daylight savings...Ring a bell?" Tseng sounded quite amused by her.

Elena went from white to red within a split second-luckily no one was there to see. "Oh, of course, Sir! Terribly sorry, I'll be in as soon as possible."

"Thankyou, Elena."

Beep.

The week of hell had already begun.

___________________________________

"What took ya so long, 'Laney?" Reno with a purple bruise on his face asked the frazzled young woman who had just entered Tseng's office, looking like she had just ran a marathon.

Elena cast an evil glare at the irritating redhead, not bothering to ask how he had recieved the bruise. "Shut up. Oh, and thanks for all those lovely phone calls you sent me this morning, by the way."

"Oh, you-" Reno began, only to be interrupted by a hit on the head from a certain yellow plush toy.

Tseng smirked, a smug look on his usually stern, serious face. "We can't go forgetting the 'Talking Toy' now, can we Reno?"

Punching the chocobo in the happy looking face, Reno replied between gritted teeth, "His name isn't 'Talking Toy', it's 'Dead Toy Walking'. Aka Mr DTW. I'd say your goodbyes now, though, 'cause I don't think he'll be sayin' hello for much longer. At least, not with _that_ beak.

Elena snorted. "Your such a kid, Reno."

To avoid further argument, Tseng continued, "So, Elena. I trust you set your clocks all to the correct time, yes?"

Smiling proudly, Elena nodded. "Yes, Sir, I did. Thankyou for the correction, by the way."

A smothered giggle came from behind Elena. She spun around to face the producer, and of no surprise, found Reno.

"What's so funny? Tell me now." Elena demanded, an angry and determined glare in her eyes.

Still giggling like a 6 year old, Reno managed to answer with a rather satisfied expression on his face as he looked towards Tseng. "April Fools, 'Laney."

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Ah yes, Elena's favourite day of the year. Really, you've gotta feel sorry for the poor girl, having to start the Monday being April Fools-especially having Reno around. But Reno's not the only one she's gonna have to deal with this year...

Good chapter? Only one way _I'm_ gonna find out. Review Button! XD Yay!!!


	12. April Fools, 'Laney

**Chapter 12 April Fools, 'Laney**

Yaaay!!! April Fools Day with Reno is always a good combination. Well, for laughs it is. Though maybe not for Elena and the sake of the Turks...Hmm...

Hope you enjoy this chapter. :)

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A nauseating feeling filled Elena's stomach at the mention of the horrible day she was taking place in. Not the fact alone that it was a Monday-never a good day-but the fact that she was going to be spending an April Fools Day with Reno, Prankster of Shinra. Oh, the horrors she would witness!

"You know what?" Elena began grimly. "I think I'm coming down with something. Something terrible. I think I'll take the day off."

Tseng shook his head. "That won't work today, Elena. You've a lot of paperwork that needs to be done."

"But I finished it all last-"

"You've got more." Tseng replied sternly, and she knew, she wasn't getting out of this dilemma.

Her body filling to the brim with fury, Elena stormed out of her boss' office and headed for the cafe downstairs. A coffee would do her good, she knew.

Tseng looked towards the redhead who was standing by his desk and gave him a simple nod.

_____________________________________

Elena was sitting down in one of the armchairs in the cafe lounge, thinking silently to herself, when Rude came along and sat down next to her. No big problem. After all, Rude was the King of Silence. However, that also meant he was the most likely to pull pranks on people.

"'Morning." Rude mumbled, not really knowing what else to say.

Elena looked towards him. The conversation wasn't leading anywhere, she knew. "'Morning. You decided to show up."

"Mmm." He mumbled in reply, until finally adding, "You waiting for coffee?"

Elena nodded. "Yeah. You?"

"I just wanted to say hi." Rude mumbled, blushing madly, although it was slightly hard to see his true expression when he was hidden behind his dark sunglasses.

"Oh, okay. Hi." It felt like an awkward attempt at a conversation between two people forced to be together. It probably was.

Breaking the silence, the waiter practically slid over to the coffee table by Elena, and placed her coffee mug down without so much as a clink. "Your coffee, madam."

Elena nodded politely, but didn't take the drink at that moment, preferring to wait until the right moment between the, er, 'conversation'.

"You want sugar with that?" Rude asked quickly.

Elena hid a smirk. Poor Rude. He made it all too obvious to what his plan was. "No thanks, I don't take sugar."

"Oh. More milk?" Rude asked, far more awkwardly this time. Could he make it any more obvious? Turks weren't _dumb_.

Once again, Elena denied him. "They make it just the way I like it. Thanks though."

The bald man nodded, quite expecting the blonde Turk's answer. "Alright."

The next ten minutes was a silent few, with only the occasional failing starter line brightening the hope of their 'chat'.

To Elena's surprise, she was actually relieved when Reno showed up. At least with him around, life wouldn't be so drearily boring.

"'Laney! Havin' fun?" Reno asked, naturally cheerfully for such a special day.

"Um...Yeah. That coffee really put the pee factor up a lot, though. See ya." Elena stood abruptly and rushed for the female toilets.

Reno and Rude looked at each other with all knowing grins on their faces.

Reno winked. "Keep up the good work, hey?"

____________________________________

"RENO!!!!!!!!!!!"

Elena's echoing, ear-piercing cry of rage could be heard throughout the whole block. And when Reno's name was involved, the situation couldn't get any worse.

"Oh, crap." Reno muttered, bolting for the lifts of sanctuary of which was nearby. "See ya Rude, bro!"

Rude tended to his tie and walked casually away from the dangerous scene.

Elena stormed out of the women's toilets in search for the doomed redheaded Turk-soon to be ex Turk. "Get your dead ass here right now, Reno of the Doomed. Today, I note, is the date of your death! Oops."

In her blinded rage, she had bumped into President Rufus, who didn't look particularily happy. "Excuse me, Elena."

"Sir? May I talk to you for a moment?" Elena asked hopefully.

Rufus stared nonchalantly at her. "Make it quick."

"I was innocently going to the woman's toilets-" She began.

"I should hope so." Rufus muttered.

"-When I realised, a little too late, that cling-wrap had been placed on the toilet seat. And on the rest of them, too. Due to all the evidence I have collected, I have come to the conclusion that it was Reno's doing. So if you could please do something about this, I would be very grateful."

Rufus continued to stare, however now, there was a wisp of a smile on his suddenly amused face. "Well, Elena. I would do something, had it not been me who gave him the idea. Therefore, the blame lies on me, and I highly doubt you are going to start a war. So if you don't mind, may you please be out of my way?"

Elena went pale. She wanted to yell and shout at him, but her sense told her better. Now she felt like the new girl, the weak one everyone picked on. "Oh, of course, Sir."

Rufus began to walk away, but turned around to add, "Oh, and Elena? April Fools. I pity you."

_Well that was just the icing on the cake._ Elena thought sarcastically. _Now, where's that redheaded bastard?_

____________________________________

_Hehehehe...She'll never get me in here...Though I gotta admit, this is pretty low. _Reno was quite proud of the feat he had accomplished. Now he just had to wait in the men's toilets and come up with another lively prank until Elena had cooled off. _Hooray for that..._

____________________________________

_Is that...?_ Rude wondered at the sound of yelping, pleading, and heavy bashing. _Yeah, it's that. I feel for you, bud._

____________________________________

Tseng stared intently at the bruised redhead standing before him. "I see you got caught out, Reno. Tell me what happened."

Reno rubbed his aching neck. The pain was everywhere; he couldn't escape it, even after the half a pack of painkillers he had taken. "Well...Elena knew it was me-don't ask how, that chick knows everything-so she went in search for me, and, well, being the mastermind she is, knew that I was hiding in the guys toilets."

Tseng shook his head and sighed. "Oh, Reno. So original."

"And, the rest is history." Reno added, grinning at the fact that he had been owned by a girl-a tough one at that.

Tseng chuckled-a rare sound. "Ah, Reno...Reno, Reno, Reno...What _are_ we going to do with you?"

Reno blinked. "Eh?"

"Well, apart from the fact that you got beaten by your own kind-not for the first time-, you somehow keep forgetting the number one rule. 'Mr DTW', as you call it. You've already lost over half your pay for the week."

Reno groaned. "Damnit. I was s'posed to have thrown him out the window by now!"

Tseng chuckled again. April Fools was a strange day. "And if you do so, say goodbye to free donuts."

Reno yelped. "My donuts!"

Instantly, his eyes darkened. "Curse you, Tseng...I will get my revenge."

Tseng just sat there, quite amused by the little act Reno was putting on, and threw him the chocobo toy. "Mmm hmm. So, do you have any new pranks?"

Reno's eyes lit up with cunning. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

"I'm listening."

____________________________________

Humming cheerfully to herself, Elena went to the door of Reno's office, but stopped herself as she heard his voice.

"Yeah baby, I'll be there. 7? Okay. You sure?"

_Another one of his dumb girlfriends..._ Elena sneered.

"Yeah, Tseng and Steph are coming too." Reno added. "Okay, see ya then, babe!"

Elena felt her heart wrench. _So Tseng really does have a girlfriend...Damnit, this is the worst day of my life!_

She burst into Reno's office and slammed her hands against his desk. "Reno!"

Reno recoiled from the feral woman that had just totally bashed him. "What'd I do this time!? I can't help it if you're jealous of my girlfriend!"

Elena's eyes widened with outrage. "_Jealous!? _I couldn't care less about your stupid personal life!"

Reno calmed a little. "So why are ya so mad at me then?"

Elena hesitated, slightly embarrassed at the fact that she had no answer. "Um...Well..."

Reno smirked. "Your upset about Tseng, so you're takin' it out on me, 'cause it's always my fault somehow, right?"

Elena felt guilty-he spoke the truth. "I guess so..."

Reno smiled kindly now. "Well, I don't mind. Lash out all you want to, 'Laney. I'll be your brick wall, 'kay?"

The pang of guilt increased, making her almost choke on her tears that were forming. "I...I'm sorry, Reno."

_Oh man, this is priceless! _Reno was supressing his laughter. _The prank is working perfectly! So quickly!_

Reno held a hand out to Elena. "Need a hug?"

Surprisingly, she found herself nodding at his offer, and the next moment, she was in his arms, being stroked by him.

"Thankyou Reno." Elena whispered, completely enjoying her hair being stroked by his comforting hand.

"Anytime, lil' 'Laney." Reno smirked. "But I wouldn't get too close-Rude might get jealous."

Elena looked up at him in confusion. "What?"

Reno had the most smug look on his face. "Didn't you know? Rude's got a bit of a crush on you, sweet-cheeks. Weren't you wondering why he was talkin' to you this morning?"

Elena went bright red. "Oh, um...Okay..."

"Don't go too hard on him though, he's really a sensitive guy." Reno added, biting his lip to hold back the laughter.

"Uh...Sure. Okay, I'd better get going. Paperwork, you know?" Elena replied, hastily standing up and rushing out the door.

"Wait, 'Lena!" Reno called after her.

Elena turned around to face the redhead. "Yes?"

"We're all goin' out to Seventh Heaven tonight, and you'd better come. Ya don't want to break Rude's tiny little heart, do you?" Reno answered, a twinkle in his eye.

The blush only increased. "I'll be fine, thanks."

Reno kept trying. "You of all people should know how heartbreak feels."

Elena sighed_. Will he ever give up? _

_Who, Reno? _

And would Valerie ever leave her alone? "Sure, Reno. 7, right?"

Reno grinned, pride entering his voice. "7, at Seventh Heaven, babe."

He winked, resulting in the further blushing of Elena before she bolted out the door.

Yawning, he placed his hands behind his head, a smug grin on his face. "I love my job."

___________________________________

Elena, now wearing skinny jeans and a simple black singlet covered by a loose denim jacket, entered the crowded bar in search of her fellow Turks and their girlfriends.

Then she spotted the blazing red mane, followed by her raven haired boss, and finally, the bald Turk. But there was no women around the group of three.

"Don't you look pretty." Reno purred sarcastically.

"Hi, guys. Where's those girlfriends of yours?" Elena asked, ignoring Reno's dumb comment.

Tseng, still wearing his Turks uniform, was first to reply. "Girlfriends?"

Elena went red with embarrassment and nervousness for at least the thirtieth time that day. "Uh, yeah. Reno said...Um..."

_Oh, grand job, Elena! Now you've gone and made a great fool of yourself once more! _Valerie taunted.

"Shut up!" Elena snapped, realising it a little too late.

Tseng nodded. "Sounds like something Reno would say."

Reno, who was also wearing his Turks uniform, joined in on the conversation. "'Laney, 'Laney, 'Laney...Really, you'd think you'd learn by now."

Now Rude took a step forward, and kissed the blonde Turk on the cheek. "April Fools, love."

_He did not just say that!!!_


	13. All is not what it seems

**Chapter 13 All is not what it seems**

Well, even I'm scared about what Rude did last chapter...April Fools can be a scary thing.

Chapter 13 came pretty late, sorry...Lotsa schoolwork and updates to deal with. Hope you enjoy it all the same, though. :)

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_Did Rude just...? No, this world has gone nuts! I'm dreaming. Dreaming. Dreaming. _"Dreaming." Elena tried to convince herself that this was all a nightmare, but when Reno pinched her hard on the arm, all her remaining hopes faded.

"No you're not." Reno retorted in a sing-song voice.

"Screw you. I'm outta here." Elena snapped, before storming off in a rage once more.

Reno turned to his two fellow Turks, shaking his head sadly. "We need to get her some anger-management help."

___________________________

Elena didn't know what to feel. Hatred towards her fellow Turks? Regret for acting rudely to Rude? Who knew anymore...She was just a blur of emotions, sitting on her sofa, eating a tub of chocolate ice-cream. Good ice-cream, too.

Despite all her rage that was burrowed inside her, she felt strangely calm, almost happy.

Elena let out a sigh of depression._ Chocolate does that to you..._

And of all the times the door could have knocked, it was at that moment.

"Don't come in." Elena called, and regretted saying it as she heard the voice of Tseng.

"Elena? It's...not Reno." Was that a hint of friendliness she detected in his voice?

"Well then, come in, I guess. Door's open."

She heard him leave his shoes at the front door, and watched him as he walked towards her, standing before the sofa awkwardly. He was still wearing his Turk's uniform, and his raven black hair was tied back in a loose ponytail, thankfully much shorter than Reno's.

_Why am I thinking of that idiot at a time like this!?_ Elena couldn't help but gape.

"I would like to apologize for the way I acted earlier. It was very unprofessional of me." Tseng's eyes were sturdy with sincerity, but a hint of friendly playfulness lurked beyond the brown. _Deep _beyond the brown.

"Apology accepted." Elena smiled, showing that she was thankful. "You can sit down, if you like."

Her boss simply nodded, and sat down on the chair opposite her. "I suppose we shouldn't talk business, then, as it being 8 at night, in your apartment."

Elena tried to hide her blush, but she knew she failed when Tseng gave her an amused expression. "So, did you just come to apologize? Couldn't you have done it over the phone, or tomorrow at work?"

She felt stupid after saying that, and then seeing Tseng's slightly surprised expression.

"Well, I suppose, but I wouldn't seem as sincere as if I did it now, would I?" Tseng remarked, half admiring the blonde Turk's flushed face.

_This is a one in a million chance and you're talking to him about the obvious!? Ask him for a drink, at least!_ Valerie was exasperated.

"I...Suppose not." Elena cleared her throat nervously. "Can I...Get you a drink?"

Tseng shook his head. "No, thank you. I'm quite content speaking with you at the moment. But I'll let you know if I get thirsty."

The playful sarcasm in his voice brought a smile to the woman's lips. "Alright."The raven haired Turk settled comfortably in the chair he was sitting on. "So, Elena. You made quite a scene today. Quite a few scenes, may I add."

Elena didn't even attempt to cover up her blush that time. She knew it was pointless. The man was too smart. "I guess I did."

"Mind telling me why?"

_So he's trying to get me to talk it out, now. Hmph. _

"Because of all the stupid pranks that have been played on me today." Elena muttered in reply, crossing her arms defensively.

Tseng must have been scheming the whole conversation. He knew just what to say, and when to say it. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't it your own stupidity that allowed you to fall for the tricks?"

_He had to put it that way. _

She didn't reply, instead dwelling in her realm full of loathe and discomfort at the present situation.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'." The raven haired Turk said rather proudly.

For some unfortunate reason, Elena made the mistake of letting her emotions spill out as she spoke. "You all don't know what it feels like to be the only female, the newbie of the Turks, and to have all the guys pick on you. It doesn't help at all. I joined the Turks to get out of my old mess of a life, not to start another."

Tseng still remained calm. "Actually, you'll find it does help. The challenges you face make you a stronger person, a tougher Turk. Believe it or not, we are all doing this for your own good, Reno included. We all know what it feels like to be a newcomer, and to 'not fit in'. You'll get used to it. If you can't face problems as simple as these, you have to ask yourself the question-Why did you even join the Turks? It isn't a job for the light-hearted, you know. Let everything pass your mind. To be a good Turk requires strength and willpower, but to be an excellent Turk requires you to let go of your emotions. If you can't do that, you can't be an excellent Turk. And you will find, the _only_ Turk is an excellent Turk."

Elena stared at the man, dumbfounded, as if she had just been given a lecture by her father, instead of some useful advice from her crush/boss. "Sorry."

Tseng bit back a sigh. She had made another mistake. "A word of advice. A Turk never apologizes."

She blushed, regretting her words more and more. "Yes, Sir."

Tseng stood up and walked towards the door, disappointed with his usually so perfect, role model Turk. Before he left, he simply stated, "I will see you at work tomorrow."

That was not how Elena had the scenario planned.

____________________________

The blonde Turk was lying on her bed in a realm of thought. It was 9 at night, she was weary, and she was less than pleased with herself after the past conversation with her boss. It was going so well, until she had blurted out her deepest feelings.

_Not the only mistake I made today..._

Beyond her thoughts, there was a constant rustling, an irritating noise that grew louder and fiercer by the second. And it was coming from her bedroom window.

Awakening from her state of mind, Elena slowly rose from her bed and walked towards the window, planning to close it. The cool breeze was welcome, but the noise was not.

She let out a mortified scream as a familiar face popped up from her window. "Howdy." It said, watching intently as the girl fell flat on her backside, her brown eyes wide with shock.

Reno heaved himself over the window pane and landed heavily onto the carpet, looking down at Elena through his cool, all-knowing aquamarine eyes. Just to add to the effect, his Turk's uniform was blowing softly in the breeze.

The girl seemed impassive to his performance, instead gazing at the floor beneath him. She hadn't bothered to stand.

Reno frowned, confused as to why the girl looked so weary and depressed. "'Lena? What's up?"

She didn't know why, but she felt the desire to hug the taller man. He had put her through all her troubles, yet she still yearned to hold him. It was a strange feeling that she had no control over. Similar to the tears that were rolling down her cheeks.

_Hmph. Must be that time of month...Again._ Reno decided, looking at the Turk with interest.

He extended his hand towards her, wearing the friendliest expression she had seen him have in a long time. She couldn't say no, so she let him lift her up. But to her surprise, he led her into a tight embrace, one hand on her blonde hair, softly stroking her, and the other wrapped around her waist. For a moment, she merely stood in his arms, stunned, head rested on his chest, until she almost naturally hugged him back.

_I don't know why...But it feels perfect. He's strangely...comforting. Damn him. He's already drawn me in like a magnet..._Elena's mind was in a thousand pieces, trying to arrange itself into a state of calmness. But at a time like this, such a state was unreachable.

Her senses were deceiving her, and her body was warm and almost flushed.

"Reno?" Elena murmured, trying to catch her breath after his unforeseen action.

"Mmm?" She could feel his warm breath tingling down her spine, making her shiver unexpectedly.

"Why did you come in through my bedroom window?"

Her question was met with a soft, gentle chuckle that warmed her heart. It was different to the way he usually laughed. He seemed almost serious.

"I guess I wanted to appear the hero." There was a pause, and Reno pulled away slightly to look into her eyes. "Elena, I..."

She went red; stunned that he had actually called her by her proper name for once.

Reno took a deep breath and smiled. "I hope you know that we all care about you, a lot. We only annoy you because we're teaching you a lesson. And I guess it's a bit of fun too...Anyway, that's beside the point. It's part of my job, to train the new Turks. I had to test out your skills. I gotta admit, you can be a bit of a sook, but for the most part...I reckon you make an awesome Turk."

He had said something nice for once, so Elena couldn't hold anything against him this time. She didn't really want to, either. He appeared so good-looking in the dim lighting.

She nodded, smiling softly, and fell back onto his chest, appreciating his warmth against the now icy cold breeze that was blowing through the window.

He felt her shiver, and he frowned.

"You should go to bed. You're cold, and you're tired." He slowly broke away from her and saw the disappointment flash in her eyes. He smiled at her. "I can stay if you like. But first I gotta shut that damned window."

Elena seemed to be growing more tired by the second. She nodded again, lost for words at how the night had revealed itself. One moment, her crush Tseng was sitting in her loungeroom, and the next, Reno was holding her hand, telling her to go to bed. It was all so sudden; her mind had barely comprehended everything.

Reno glanced admiringly at Elena's face, his plans of closing the window delayed. The lighting was perfect the way it caught her eyes and made them sparkle. Her hair seemed lighter and softer than he had ever realised, and her lips were a perfect shade.

Grinning charmingly, he leant in to kiss the lips he had been longing for.

That window just wasn't made to be shut.

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So, did I go okay? I stayed up late finishing this, so I'm kinda tired right now. Hopefully the ending is still good. :)

This is, in a way, the last chapter. Chapter 14 is just the finishing touch I'm gonna add to this story.

I hope you enjoyed it!


	14. What would we do without Reno?

**Ending What would we do without Reno?**

The ending is finally here! I'm gonna miss writing this, I had a lot of fun with it. And thanks to all you readers out there that took the time to read this fanfic, It's much appreciated. I hope you enjoyed it! XD

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Elena woke up from dawn's sharp rays of sunlight.

As soon as her brown eyes fluttered open, she smiled, remembering the person lying next to her. For once, she didn't care about the consequences, only about her newfound love for the redheaded Turk that she had been denying for so long. Reno had known the whole time that they were both perfect for each other, but Elena knew that he wouldn't admit it so easily.

The day had finally come and gone, and she was thankful for it. Turning her head towards the man lying beside her, her stomach churned.

He was fully clothed, and had black hair. And she didn't want to know how he had ended up in her bed.

_Reno..._ Elena groaned inwardly. Once again, he had left her with false hope, and a hollow, nauseating feeling inside.

She didn't want to awake her boss and frighten the life out of him, in fear that her career in Shinra would be harmed. Plus it wouldn't be the most comfortable of conversations. Instead, she quietly rose out of bed, slightly embarrassed to be wearing chocobo covered pyjamas, and glad that Tseng wasn't awake to see it. She walked towards her desk, where her PHS was awaiting her, until a glimpse of something glittering caught her attention.

She turned her saddened eyes towards the object, and was surprised to find that there was a simple, yet familiar silver earring sitting atop a hastily folded sheet of paper.

She lightly picked up the earring and examined it, her pain only increasing as she realised who's it was. She bit her lip and placed it on her jewelry rack out of harm's way, before taking the sheet of paper reluctantly.

_Hey 'Laney,_

_Bet you're wondering why I left my earring, hey? Think of it as a goodbye present. _

_I'm sorry, but I'm leaving now. It's nothing to do with you, it's more of a work problem._

_I'll see you soon, though, I'm sure. _

_I know you're hating me right now, but believe it or not, I'm doing this for you. _

_You'll understand soon enough. Trust me, okay?_

_Heh, fat chance of that..._

_I feel so crap right now for leaving you. Especially after last night...Hell, I feel like_

_a damn player. But I swear, you're different to the other girls, 'Lena. _

_You're perfect. So I understand if you think you're too good for me-you probably are._

_I guess I'm getting off the subject. I gotta go now, so just know that I love you,_

_okay?_

_Love from, Reno of the Turks._

_I love you..._ The tears were streaming down Elena's cheeks as she re-read that line, and then the letter again three times over. She hated him right now, but at the same time, she was madly in love with him. She wanted to find him and give him the bitch slap of his life, before kissing him with all her passion. But to search for him would be an almost guaranteed let down. Then again, just waiting would be foolish.

As she sorted out her jumbled thoughts, the inevitable question kept invading her mind. What would we do without Reno?

It had only taken one night, but she knew the answer now. And she was satisfied.

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Okay that ending sucked. Let me know what you think though.

Oh and if you liked it, I have its sequel :) It's not a humor as much anymore, so we'll see how it goes. You might have already read it. It's called Betrayal.

Anyways, thanks for reading! XD (I seem to like that face...)


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